movie review: x-men: the last stand

in a word: dissappointed.

in a gift: i offer up this book to director brett ratner.

you know that guy...?

quite possibly the most pleasant surprise (for me) in television this past year was the success of my name is earl.

like earl, i have found that my life is ruled by a list. unlike earl, i am not ruled by a list that makes good on the bad things i have done. rather, i am ruled by a group of "checklists" of the things i want to accomplish in my lifetime. i would love to say that they range from the mundane to the influencial to all of humanity, but truth is, they mostly just hover around the humanity-ignoring line. and almost all of them are travel related and some are documented on this obscure website.

so, here, prompted by a lot of personal introspection as of late, is the list of my lists. my name is cade.

1) see a baseball game at all 30 active major league parks. STATUS: thanks to the building of new stadiums and the demolition of old stadiums, i am currently stuck at 20. a full park back from where i was this time last year. all in all, i'm pretty proud of this progress.

2) see a professional (regional or better) production of all of stephen sondheim's major musicals. (i count 16, though he certainly has written or been involved in many, many more.) i met the man several years ago and he had a profound impact on my outlook of the importance of telling stories whether through theatre or film. one of the best nights of my life. STATUS: 6 down. though i have to say, that (with the help of a certain international financial mega-institution) i have the very real possibility of crossing off one of the harder ones in june.

3) in the spirit of #2, write a feature length script and have it produced and filmed. not so much a "list" but certainly on the "big" list. STATUS: um...not yet.

4) visit each of the places on my "ten things to do before i die" list (view here.) STATUS: 3 of 10. there is some speculation that, upon completion of this list, it may become a rotating one. ie, "i hardly want to die once the 10th one is done, so i may as well add some new things to it."

5) personally attend all four grand slam tennis events (australian open, french open, wimbledon, u.s. open.) STATUS: 2 of 4 (aus. and u.s.) though, much like the sondheim list, this may move to 3 in the next month or so thanks to a certain international financial mega-institution. it's a pretty great part-time job.

6) personally attend all three of the triple crown thoroughbred races. not necessarily in the same year, but that would be cool. STATUS: 0 of 3. though i have come close to being in the right city at the right time twice. i missed both the kentucky derby and the preakness by a day. although, as i recall, missing the derby last year had some welcome and unforseen side effects...

7) see all of the AFI's top 100 movies of the 20th century (as released in 1998). STATUS: like 70? maybe? i've lost track. i have the list somewhere, but i think it's on the "bad" computer. bottom line, though, it is unacceptable that i haven't done this one yet. i mean...netflix! for crying out loud. you know you are lazy when even watching a movie is "too much" effort.

8) learn as many languages as possible. STATUS: abandoned. i have come to the sad realization that i do not possess the cognitive ability to retain a language without being forced to (read: emersed). there is little cooler to me than someone who can passably speak 3, 4, 7 languages. what a gift. alas, i will relish my 1/8th fluency in espanol and call it a day.

9) rock in a band to throngs of adoring fans. STATUS: complete. april 23, 1994. the day music changed forever.

i think that's about it. i probably have more written down on a list somewhere. buried under all the clothes and mail...and magazines...and dishes...

i'm bored

i demand that you all entertain me.

go.

(insert record store name here) customer files, cont'd

in the spirit of my brothers' encounter with carlos the other day, i feel the urge to continue the little series on my lovely customer base.

today's installment:

customer #000165 - "Jerry"

"jerry" first came into the store on a gloomy friday at the end of march. he looks like a very weathered tony larussa and speaks with a distinct local accent. he is also full of the most amazing knowledge. we talked for what seemed like hours about the virtues of collecting cassette tapes. i learned a lot about how the artwork on certain cassettes can be very valuable. also apparently valuable: certain types of plastic cases that said cassettes came in. as i said, i learned a lot. we talked about classic bands such as "the cars," "the eagles," and "the heart." it was a good time.

"jerry" quite adamantly expressed his pleasure in knowing that we existed. so, it was little surprise that he came in the next day to unload more wisdom. he introduced me to obscure folk singers of the 60's and was thrilled to find out that i had this magic internet source (aka, amazon.com) where i could actually order cds for him. so i ordered a few and he completed his purchase with a disc from the bargain cart. noting the value of the white case tray (as opposed to the standard black or clear.)

"the white ones are rare. i bet they are worth something." he pondered.

"do you like that band?" i queried.

"oh, i just want the white case. they are rare."

"fair enough."

fast forward to the following monday when i find "jerry" waiting for me as i arrive at the store. same with tuesday. on wednesday, he actually waited until after lunch to come in.

"jerry" has come in dozens of times since that first week. he usually calls first (why i gave him the number i still don't know) and mostly he just wants to know if i have found any new tapes. occassionally, he will drop by with nothing musical to talk about and give me his in depth opinions on the state of society and how all these "moral" issues are pointless because all of humanities traits are "chemical in nature." his views on the decline of the economy are particularly striking.

"things use to cost a dollar. and now they are more than that. it's crazy."

i seriously wish i could record the interactions. they are remarkable. he is also infinitely fascinated with geneaology. a fact that has given my neighbors at the bookstore a chance to interact with him as well.

all in all, he is a model, if not obsessed, customer. despite his varying reasons, he actually buys things. and, to date, has not once tried to sell me anything.

and that puts him in a class all by himself.

one day out of the year

so, i was gonna write about how i never make a big deal out of my birthday. how i tend to get silently upset when those around me try to make a big deal out of my birthday. how i appreciate the phone calls and the occasional card, but really don't want to "celebrate" the occassion.

however, i am in delaware and surrounded by people who insist on making a deal of it. so, i will just say that if you are at all like me, DO NOT EVER go to t.g.i.friday's on your birthday. (before you judge, remember, it's delware, there are no other choices but friday's.) just trust me.

long story short, one commemorative "first state" themed plate, two drinks, a few "totally" inappropriate conversations and one forced chair-standing-napkin-waving embarassment later...and all i can think about is the fact that i have been awake since 4 o'clock this morning.

it was a good way to spend the last night of civilization. *

thank you to all who wished me well. i am going to bed.


* - the movie version of "the da vinci code" hits theatres tomorrow night and i have no doubt that God is going to rain down his wrath on those of us fools who have been led astray by this evil work of brain washing, action-packed heresy. hollywood and all that see this movie will be destroyed for turning this work of "fiction" into a mainstream accepted recruitment for the anti-christ's army in the war against the church. woe to anyone who would bow to mr brown and his pagan, leftist agenda. armageddon is nigh. it's been a good world. i will certainly miss it. but, until the sulfur starts to fall, get out there and protest, people!

it's open-letter time

dear philadelphia international airport (phl),

i am writing this letter to invite you to think very hard about our current relationship.

we have experienced, at worst, a tolerable co-existence over the past few years and i would love nothing more than to keep that going. your actions over the past few days have led me to believe that you do not wish to continue on that same level of amity.

my first grievance is with your baggage system. i know it can be difficult to organize millions of pieces of luggage and i applaud most of your efforts. if, however, you find it necessary to change the incoming carousel a minimum of 3 times upon my arrival, PLEASE make sure that those carousels are at least in the same area code as each other. walking a mile to turn around and walk another mile is simply not acceptable.

secondly, though i blame u.s. airways, please refrain form canceling, exchanging, or otherwise altering my ticket without my knowledge. this is sure to cause a scene and no one wants that.

lastly, to your small idiosyncrasies. your vendors with no sense of personal space or concept of the phrase “no, thank you.” your news stand employees who simply can’t be bothered with distractions like “changing a $20 bill” or conveying that a soda fridge is “self serve” in a pleasant and edifying manner. you’re witty pages of celebrities like denzel washington, jessica simpson and mario lemeiux over the pa that serve only the amusement of those uttering the pages and leave the rest of us shaking our heads.

nothing you have done has warranted a clean break. but, be aware that the ice upon which we rest is growing precariously thin. i urge you to consult your fellow associates (namely: o’hare, dfw, wash-dulles, and burbank) to see that i am serious in my plea. consider your future actions carefully.

in giving you the benefit of the doubt, i look forward to seeing you again on sunday and enjoying a wonderful and moron-free experience.

sincerely,

cade

(insert record store name here) customer file #000324

for a while, i have been debating the ethics of posting profiles and descriptions of the various and sundry characters that frequent a certain quiet little record shop on the north shore. i don't wish to make fun of people for their "eccentricities" but after a night like this, i feel i have no choice.

customer #000324 - "L" aka "Lizard"

today, i met for the first time, an apparent neighbor of the store, "L." i also met her for the second, third, fourth and fifth time tonight in the span of a mere 4 hours.she is probably mid 30s and full of questions. she lives next door. this will be fun for years to come.

allow me to explain. "L"s first appearance was made in this manner. barefoot, wearing a 'jose cuervo' do-rag and a mish-mashed sweatsuit and fake oakleys WAY to high up on the forehead. now, i say barefoot, but you must realize, there was apparently some sort of bike accident in recent days. knees, elbows, even face; all about the road rash. so this fact was only enhanced. not to mention the dirt. covered in dirt. fine. whatever. she's "outdoor-sy." no prob. did i mention she reaked of bourbon?

then the questions started.

"what's with this 'ordinary people'?"
"um. that's duran duran's 'ordinary world' (a cassette single)"
"how much?"
"it's on the back."
"nevermind."

she left only to come back for a brief cameo a few minutes later. she asked me some incoherent question about anthony hopkins and was gone again. like the wind. like the drunken wind.

she returned a number of times. finally donning some duck wader boots and an electrical tape-wrapped left hand, but never straying from the trademark do-rag and candy neclace. oh, i forgot to mention the candy necklace? silly me. anyway, she returned a time or two to trade in some vhs tapes from her new favorite place-to-get-rid-of-crap. after unloading about 2 dozen videos ranging from dubs to home movies to beat up copies of just plain terrible movies. i managed to salvage about 9 of them and told her of my 3 for 1 trade policy. she thought that sounded great and came back to the counter with the batman trilogy on vhs, a t-shirt and handful of cassette tapes. i explained that the batman movies were fine but the others needed to be purchased. "you mean i need to bring in more tapes?" she asked. "money would be better" i offered. "alright, i'll be back." exit.

and so she was. her final visit consisted of ramblings about how courtney love shot kurt cobain, solicitation of advice as to whether she should stick with her undergrad or "go for another Phd" and the fact that i, as a small business owner, should accept nepalese coins. all kinds of information flowing in this place. the conversation continued down this meandering path until she was distracted. "oh, you have cds?"

needless to say. i am so positive that there will be more stories to come. but for now, i will wrap this file with this:

(picking at a wound on her elbow) "man, i hate this"
"what happened anyway?"
"this? oh, i don't know"

i didn't doubt it for a second.

run for the roses, charlie brown

it's derby day!

and despite the announcers over-bearing penchant for claiming this year's kentucky derby as the "superbowl" of thoroughbred racing, i couldn't be more excited or geekish.

i wish i could explain why i love the triple crown so much. but i just do. churchill downs is breathtaking. the race is spectacular. it's noble. it's exciting. it's over in two minutes. and despite what pamela anderson says, it's beautiful.

it's currently 1 hour to post time. and i am prepared (customers be damned) to wade through personal interest stories, pointless celebrity interviews, commercials touting the "official fried chicken of the kentucky derby" and endless speculation about which horse is going to "pull the giacomo."

incidentally, here is my trifecta:

1) lawyer ron (17)
2) brother derek (18)
3) barbaro (8)
4) point determined (5)

and, my darkhorse:

sweetnorthernsaint (11)

*raises a mint julip*

enjoy, every one.

oh yeah. THAT's why i'm doing this

the scene: the newly (almost) finished basement performance space at vagabond records/epiphany books (aka: the cave; aka: the cellar; aka: chez epiphabond; aka: the dust bowl)

the event: the maiden voyage of the two.dollar.rock.show

the band: endless mike and the beagle club (total members: 6)

the audience: (total members, including employes): 5

ok, so here would be where i should insert the "lessons learned" part about the do's and don'ts of local live music marketing.

but, instead, i am going to concentrate on the positive. endless mike and the beagle club (site) are what live music is about. a group of guys (and a gal) enjoying the hell out of playing their music. even if it is for virtually no one. the tunes were infectious. the lyrics were witty and soulful. it was a genuine good time for those of us there. and this was the moment i remembered why i love music.

i want to be involved with it. not so much on the "going to the boston garden and seeing madonna play "live"" level, but on the "here are people who love music as much if not more than i do and can actually do something about it" level. i want to be involved with these people. i love being surrounded by those who cherish the power and importance of what music can do. i love it when band members complement each other to make the whole product even better. i have long since given up my dream of being the next adam clayton (my "one wish," for those keeping track, is to "make it" as part of a band. not a rockstar mind you. but part of a band.) i am happy with my role of absorbing new music and spreading to those i know. and i know that my love for the guitar is mostly limited to it's collectable status.

basically, my gift is not as a musician. but, that does not mean i can't be surrounded by and involved in music on a daly basis.

maybe i should start a record store. *ding*

so, here i am, 8 months and nearly $10k after the fact, finally realizing that THIS IS what i want to do. THIS IS where i want to be. my soul knew it all along, but my heart didn't catch up until tonight.

my thanks go out to this little group from johnstown, pa and a to city that basically ignored our little experiment tonight. because of this, i am slowly starting to realize my role in this great universe called "music."

now, if i can just get some customers to join me on my journey.

so, i got a little bored. could you tell?