disregard the previous post....

there is ONE thing that i hate at this moment.

tonight, as i fought off the current ebb of coughing and dizziness, i sat vacantly in front of my computer watching TV. since there was nothing on, i surfed to bravo where i found the new series, showdog moms and dads.

holy crap!

this is the worst show i have ever witnessed.

i thought for a moment about doing a cade-style review, but that didn't seem enough. it simply MUST exist on a hatred list and a hatred list only.

the premise is simple. the show follows the lives of people who love their dogs too much. almost criminally so.

-there's the standard couple who's been around the dogshow circuit since like 1925. they take their whippets very serious and God help the judge who disagrees. luckily, we get to see such a judge. injustice abounds.

-there's the mom who's 10-year-old son is an afterthought when compared to her four australian shepherds. and i quote: "this is riot. this is tooter. that's scooter. and heeere's roxy. oh and that's my son, adam."

she also trains adam to be a junior handler and successfully teaches him the importance of winning...complete with congratulating his opponent on her victory in front of adam BEFORE tearing into him for "letting the dog gallop."

later, in an agility competition, adam's dog jumps off one of the ramps. again, quoting mom here: "(looking at a list of the results) here you are. hey, you got 2nd place. oh wait, no, it says you got eliminated. you know, because he jumped off. well, no ribbon for you."

did i mention he's 10?

-next up, we have woman in a loveless marriage who spends 24 hours a day with her precious weimaraner. "i never really wanted, or had a desire to, you know, have children so..." this pretty much sums up her contribution to the show.

-then, we have the obligatory gay couple who pick out a new toy fox terrier named liberace, to embark on the journey of training him(?) as a show dog. these are probably the least offensive of the group in that they only dress up their miniature dogs. although the statement "our dogs don't roll in the mud or...fetch things. that's just stupid. our dogs are fashion gurus," does little to gain sympathy outside the paris hilton set. adding to the emotion is the teary-eyed couple's desire to get a new trainer after 5 minutes and a single yelp session with the current one.

-rounding out the cast is socialite-gone-awry, lourdes. tonight's episode found her and her indifferent husband acompanying her beloved german shepherds to the doctor to collect "the sperms" from the male, max, so she "could have them forever." an uncomfortably high number of utterances of the term "artificial vagina" followed.

i love the movie best in show, but somehow knowing that these people actually exist...just isn't funny. basically, the only way to truly get the horror of this show is to watch it. i can't say that i will again (well, maybe to see more tears shed and dashed puppy hopes.) but feel free to tune in yourself to see these specimens in action. i would advise you hurry, because i am proposing legislation to round them and others like them all up and ship them to a deserted island without the benefit of blow dryers and doggie salons.

now, THAT would be a great show.

ten things i hate: spring '05 edition

1) the potential illinois/north carolina national championship game.

2) the word "shiavo." no disrespect meant, but everytime i hear it, i want to move to italy.

3) this vice-like head cold/viral-vertigo thing that won't let go of my head.

4) that even though it IS spring, it won't BE spring for another several weeks.

5) apathy.

6) the van that's blocking my car in, not that i have the energy to go to the bank, but it would be nice to have the option.

7) uncertainty: a feeling i used to embrace.

8) daylight savings time: bite me.

9) finding out that i'm missing being able to go to the kentucky derby this year by ONE day.

10) being able to drink pepsi again, and not wanting to.

a return to gizmonic institute

In the not too distant future,
Next Sunday, A.D.
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space.

i love netflix.

it has afforded me the opportunity to catch up on much needed movies that i haven't seen in years or was in desperate need of seeing for the first time. all without leaving home.

but a recent wild hair on netflix has sent me reeling back to a nostaglic dreamland.

the time: 1993-1994
the place: ellsworth hall, the university of kansas
the show: mystery science theater 3000

back when it was on comedy central AT LEAST 3 times a day, we use to watch mst3k restlessly. the sharp, witty observations combined with some of the worst movies ever made, made it nearly impossible to want to get anything else done. (for the record: my freshman year GPA topped out at a stellar 1.72) heck, i even started to tape all of the episodes (at 2 hours apiece) and wound up with a pretty hefty library containing most of the episodes from the first 6 seasons. a library that i just recently gave away (bruce and beth, if you're reading this, i will want those back someday.)

so, my buddies over at netflix now carry about 15 of the episodes on dvd.

today, i received manos: the hands of fate. laugther ensued.



not that i had forgotten how funny the show was. but i had certainly forgotten how much of a part of my existence it was more than a decade ago. joel and mike and their robot buddies made far more than just an entertainment and creative impact on me. there was an entire social experience that surrounded this unique and groundbreaking show. friendships were made and fortified because of it (and beavis and butthead, but that's a different story.) and to this day, it shapes the way i view just about everything. if i were not able to laugh at life, i would find it very hard to get up every day.

just a small slice of nostalgia i wanted to share. is it weird, though, that i can measure the important periods in my life with pop-culture?

not quite "pittsnogled," but still bad

...and the madness continues.

a full week has passed since the devastating embarassment that was bucknell over kansas. basketball must be watched regardless, so i wound myself up tighter than a drum again tonight for the pivotal of all pivotal nights in this year's tourney.

game 1: albuquerque regional final: (4)louisville vs (7)west virginia

game 2: chicago regional final: (1)illinois vs (3)arizona

two games that i HAD to win to all but cement my victory in this year's "office" pool. final payout for the winner: $200.

game 1: louisville, my ill-advised but somehow not-so-crazy-now national champion, was blown out by as much as 20 in the first half and all looked bleak. que the second half comeback. they fought back, overcoming ridiculous three-pointers from wvu to tie it at 77 with 38 seconds left. what's this? hope? okay, let's do this. in overtime, the cardinals took control and finally won 93-85. what a game.

i sat in my chair, grasping for air. a feeling that i exclusively reserve for close ku games overcame me. i truly love this game.

then, it was time for the second game. (truth be told, if it comes down to illinois vs north carolina...i want illinois to roll the 'heels because i don't want roy williams to ever win a championship. yes, i'm bitter. get used to it.) that said, i had 'zona upseting the mighty illini in the chicago bracket. all in all, it was a stellar game that showed two teams fighting and keeping right in step with each other. then, in an apparent act of malice toward me, arizona started to pull away in the second half, thus elevating my hopes. could this really happen? could i get both of my two remaining final four teams in tonight and push my nearest competition back beyond arm's length?

-arizona up by 15 with 4 minutes to go.

-cade is excited. again, the feeling returns.

-illinois mounts the second, miraculous comeback of the night.

-arizona does everything it can as a team to ensure my misery. squanders 15 point lead.

-overtime.

-'zona keeps my heart in a constant state of attack by clawing back to a measly one-point deficit with mere seconds remaining in OT.

-arizona decides that instead of attempting the game-winning shot with about 11 seconds left, they should have a tea party and eventually throw up the ugliest shot i have ever seen at the buzzer.

-shot misses. final score: illinois 90 - arizona 89.

-cade drops to fourth in the bracket pool. fourth place gets $0. cade throws up.

so now, thanks to the team of wildcats that didn't want to go to the final four when their chance was handed to them, louisville, my ill-advised and certain-to-fail-me national champion, pretty much has to win it all.

do i think they can? sure, why not.

will they?

you be the judge.

anger and confusion

today i sat down to support a friend.

this marks the last time i ever do that.

a friend of mine landed a bit part on nbc's daytime soap, passions. her episode aired today. it's been a while since anyone i know was on a soap opera. so i wanted to watch it. several years ago, i had friends show up as orderlies or bartenders on such classics as all my children and days of our lives. i trudged through the hour-long shlock-fests to see their 2 minutes of airtime. i was happy to do it.

but, the hour i lost today will haunt me for a loooong time. passions makes all my children and days look like million dollar baby.

the 3 ongoing "plot" lines i could decern were as follows:

1) a man pressures his bi-racial grandson to pursue his relationship with a woman he just learned was his half-sister. okay, pretty standard.

2) a crazy woman kills another woman to take custody of her child and husband. we learn that this is a fantasy segment and the other woman has NOT, in fact, been stabbed. all the while, the crazy woman argues with her crazy mother who HAS to be a left over character from mad tv. trusted story-telling techniques take a backseat to absurdity.

3) crazy mother from above sends her best friend, a monkey, off on a train and away from the life they've had together. the monkey, (who i believe is named "precious") on her way to the train station, reminisces of the lost love of her life...the man who's wife was fantasy-killed earlier in the show. i only wish i was making this up.

surprisingly, the monkey turns in the best performance of the show.

my opinion of daytime television has never been high, but i would say that now it is immeasurably low. i can't understand how this shite stays on the air. it's apparently written by mrs. perkin's 3rd grade class, and performed by every community theatre drop out to ever get off a plane in los angeles or new york. and don't give me that "it's a guilty pleasure" argument. melrose place was a guilty pleasure. barry manilow is a guilty pleasure. passions is excrement.

as for my friend, she held her own as a shop clerk fawning over a baby. she's a model, not an actress per se, and her career will be just fine. just don't expect me to support THIS endeavor ever again.

a few ideas for hollywood

this friday, a modern remake of a classic drama that dealt boldly, if not a bit 2 dimensional, with race issues in the 1960's finally opens. that's right a thought-provoking head turner starring......ashton kutcher?

guess who is the not-at-all anticipated comedy remake of the classic tracy-hepburn-poitier movie, guess who's coming to dinner. a movie which, at the time, presented the idea of racial sterotypes as both ridculous and appalling. despite its inability to age gracefully since its release in 1967, dinner remains one of the more groundbreaking and influential movies to tackle racism.

so let's make it a screwball comedy starring the guy from that 70's show. great idea.

this got me thinking. if hollywood is going to go down this road, i want a piece of the action. so here are a few movies i think should be redone starring the young, mr. demi moore.

to kill a mockingbird. new title: boo. kutcher is a loose cannon lawyer who has to defend the local misunderstood shut-in. again, he shines in a story that makes the audience think again before judging those around them on the basis of outward appearance....all to HILARIOUS results.

on the waterfront. new title: down on the docks. marlon brando's terry malloy may have been a contender, but it's kutcher who will be delivering the knock-out punches in this madcap story of murder, greed, corruption and shots to the groin. i see tara reid as edie, and of course, eugene levy as father barry.

the deer hunter. new title: the night clubber. here, kutcher teams up with buddies sean william scott and matthew lillard as hollywood boys who become prisoners of war in iraq. oh man, this would be comedy gold. especially the russian roulette scene. priceless.

vertigo. new title: vertigo. a psychological study of a young man (kutcher) and his obsessive search for sanity and the ultimate "hottie." crazy and compulsive is always funny. just get rid of the whole "suspense-thriller" thing and throw in some jokes about peeing on each other and we're in business.

schindler's list. new title: the list. let's test ashton's acting chops. this is an upbeat remake of that uber-depressing speilberg sob-fest. instead of jews being saved from the holocaust, this is about wasted college students being saved from getting kicked out of school. kutcher plays oscar, a student who quietly funnels terrible students into the workplace despite their lack of education and qualifications. of course, hilarity ensues.

i think i could make some serious cha-ching with these pitches.

let me know if you think of any others. let's get that boy some work, people.

5 days and $200 later...

okay, so i am back from my annual trip to las vegas.

i am tired.

i haven't eaten since yesterday.

my head is pounding.

so, since i was accidentally internet-less whilst in sin-city, here is the only recap you will get:

basketball: overall, a crazy and completely unpredictable first two rounds. despite a certain game on friday night that the midnight rule* has erased from my memory, there were some fun contests, but i would stop short of saying this was a great year as far as games go.

gambling: thanks to a 4-game parlay on the first day and the chance combination of a 25 cent poker machine with the 2nd half of the kentucky/cincinnati game, i came out even and won back the $200 ($50/day) i took with which to gamble. of course, food and other merriment knocked me down from there a bit, but the point is i didn't LOOSE money gambling.

my bracket: my national champ is still alive, but i hold no hope that i will ever see my $10 or any of its friends ever again.

joolz: it was lovely meeting you. the 20 second conversation we had at the bellagio made me feel like we've known each other for years. yeah, no. we suck at this whole rendevouz thing. next time, we'll actually sit down for a minute or two, deal?

cirque du soliel: how you continue to come up with this crap that just astounds this over-critical-theatre-snob is beyond me. bravo. if you're in vegas, and you have $100 to spare, see KA.

southwest airlines out of mccarran: i will never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never do it again. never.

i can't think of anything else. sleep has been missed and will be greatly enjoyed tonight.


*-the midnight rule was adopted by my circle of friends in the mid 90's as a survival technique. simply put, at midnight after a bad KU loss, the game ceases to exist. espn occasionally tries to conjure up phantom memories, but it never works.

28 hours 30 minutes and counting...

...until i am supposed to touch down at macarran international airport.

(sidenote: i have every intention of being at least a couple of hours late due to my obbession of whoring myself out for free airline miles. ie. southwest is ALWAYS overbooked to vegas this time of year and i will be the first one to volunteer my seat for a free flight in the future. heck, how do you think i paid for this year's flight...thanks southwest.)

currently, oakland is up on alabama a&m 9-8 in the play-in game, and i have spent the last 48 hours staring at one piece of paper that no longer resembles a bracket, but rather a collection of abbreviations and red and black scratches that belongs on the wall in a modern art gallery.

nothing really of note to say, other than i have discovered that aerosmiths' "sweet emotion" is the perfect song to listen to while making your bracket selections. only time will tell just how influential and persuasive tom hamilton's bass line truly is, but for now, it works.

now, i gotta pack.

oh, and (12)old dominion WILL upset (5)michigan st. mark it down.

see ya in vegas.

let the madness begin

on this, the "boxing day" to college basketball's "christmas day," i can hardly sit still long enough to type. but i'll try.

yesterday was selection sunday. a day which sets the stage for the greatest 3 weeks in sports. from a small boardroom somewhere in indianapolis, a committee toyed with and, ultimately, laid out the fate of 65 teams for this year's ncaa tournament.

as the brackets were unveiled one at a time, there was excitement as teams were officially given their chance to play at least one more, precious game. there was also sorrow as bubbles burst all across the country, sending once-hopeful teams away in dejection. it's a swift, and often cruel presentation. but, the one thing that is always consistent is the feeling that it gives me and my fellow basketball fans...

i have three days to fill out this bracket. three days to mull through visions of last-second heroics and hearts left on the hardwood. three days to pick the victors, the upsets and the cinderellas. but, at the same time, (play-in game excluded) i have to WAIT until thursday morning until these visions, one by one, start to come true and the best 96 hours of the tournament commence. three days and counting.

when i have a job, i take vacation on the first thursday and friday. it's not fair to subject my employer to the distraction and lax effort i, undoubtedly, would put forth. this year, i continue a tradition and fly to vegas to watch rounds 1 and 2 with friends. there is nothing like the crowded sports books crammed with fans from every school imaginable. all vehemently rooting on their teams, a total stranger's team, or an underdog team, that under normal circumstances, they have probably never even heard of. the tournament changes people. it is, quite simply, the most magical time of the year.

and it's here.

an accidental "top eleven"

take one archaic mp3 player. lose it in south america. add one bright, shiny new digital walkman, complete with crappy software apparently 'necessary' for operation. simmer together while re-categorizing an entire music collection. end up with an appreciation for the varied and amazing music you've been blessed with.

therefore, (since i have now waded through every one of the 3466 mp3s i just added to my new player, and since a "top eleven songs list" would be impossible) i have decided to throw out a "top eleven albums list" for my own enjoyment. you may agree. you probably won't. just remember, these are albums that just fit nicely into MY life. so no arguing.

the rules:
-these albums are playable straight through with no feeling of needing to skip ahead
-they are more than likely from artists that rank at or near the top of my list of great artists
-"great", in cadeland, often equates with sittng in a darkened room with a group of friends saying little and listening to much
-i have a theory that if the 4th and/or 7th track is good, the album has a serious shot at greatness. (check it out some time)

so, in no particular order:

1) dulcinea - toad the wet sprocket (1994) - they are my favorite band. this is my favorite of their albums. it's that simple. i love every song on this disc (even the once annoying last track.) besides, before the mp3 revolution, i went through 3 copies of it. that says something. choice cut: #1 fly from heaven

2) under rug swept - alanis morissette (2002) - she started producing her own stuff, and the result was this magic rollercoaster of highs and lows. from a gripping start (21 things i want in a lover)to a whimpering finish (utopia), it covers everything. choice cut: #10 surrendering

3) the joshua tree - U2 (1987) - a classic. a classic. a classic. what is not to love? it plays out like a search for life itself. even the 80's and the ubiquitous presence of the band since it's release can't tarnish this baby. choice cut: #7 in god's country

4) the bends - radiohead (1995) - some would argue they have better albums, but i have a special connection to this one. this is the point when a "pretty-cool british alternative" band, became one of the most influencial music acts in my life. choice cuts: #4 fake plastic trees and #7 just (just listen to the difference and dream of what's to come)

5) to chase away the birds - waterdeep (1995) - granted they are friends of mine and not many people outside my sphere know who they are, but noteriety does not dictate their importance. this, the first album under the name "waterdeep" was just 5 ridiculously talented musicians learning what it was to make music. musically and lyrically rich beyond what any indie album should be. one part pure rock 'n' roll, another part soulful folk-ballad, chase hits every point masterfully. choice cut: #7 everybody's guilty

6) automatic for the people - REM (1992) - the ultimate in happy/brooding-college albums. arguably, the pinnacle of their career arc (along with out of time and monster.) few records have such a distinct memory set for me as this jewel from a time i hope i never forget. choice cut: #6 sweetness follows

7) this beautiful mess - sixpence none the richer (1995) - heartbreaking. exhilerating. fantastic. three words that only scratch the surface of this disc. if sixpence's albums can all truly be considered works of art worthy of display in a gallery, this would be the centerpiece of the collection. choice cut: #4 within a room somewhere

8) magical mystery tour - the beatles (1966) - just to prove that i am not just a child of the 80s. i've never done acid, but i can see every color that the fab four did when i listen to this over-whelming record. that they could grab a bitter kid from the midwest almost 40 years later, goes only to prove their influence and importance. choice cut: #7 hello goodbye

9) circle slide - the choir (1990) - this impossibly beautiful offering from one of the most unique and auditorially-rich bands ever. it's a shame that only the most die-hard of 80s-90s christian music circles know this group. circle slide is the choir at their melodic and ambient best. choice cut: #6 about love (anyone who knows me, knows this song destroys me every time.)

10) patience - over the rhine (1992) - soaring vocals, backed by musical soundscapes worthy of the candle-lit tent in which i first encountered this group live. patience was my foray into the world of karen and linford and the unbelievable beauty that follows them. choice cuts: #1 jacksie and #4 how does it feel

11) ben folds five - ben folds five (1995) - for the sheer fun of it. i loved this quirky trio the first time i heard them. this debut is full of colorful characters and loads of distortion on robert sledge's bass. delightful and fun, the boys live up to their self-proclaimed "punk-rock for sissys" ideal, and i love it. choice cut: of course #6 underground

honorable mentions:

a) earth and sun and moon - midnight oil (1993) - another of my favorite bands. i felt they deserved a shot.

b) VOL - vigilantes of love (1996) - packed full of many of my favorite songs by mallonee and gang. but it's a compilation. albeit a damn fine one at that.

c) fear - toad the wet sprocket (1991) - wore out 2 copies of this one as well. if it weren't for the why-is-this-the-only-one-they-play-on-the-radio song, all i want, this would have made the big list too.

wanted: for crimes against comedy...

...the executives at the FOX network.

it's sunday night, and as usual, i am settling down after the weekly hysteria created by viewing mitchell hurwitz and ron howard's screamingly funny arrested development. this is a show of which i am proud to say i have been a huge fan since the very first episode back in 2003. for those who don't know, arrested is a multi-award-winning show about a dysfuncional and clueless family, the bluths, that has enjoyed critical success yet wallowed in ratings hell for it's entire run. a show that is so original and so sharp that, creatively, it dwarfs all others in this, the post-mortem age for the classic sitcom.

alright, maybe i get a little carried away, but i am serious that this show should be both watched and enjoyed by anyone who savors great comedic performances as well as fantastic writing.

so, can anyone out there give me a good reason why FOX has decided to shelf arreseted development a month early this season and continues to waffle on the show's fate come this fall?

i have become accustomed to their lack of regard for this diamond in the rough, but tonight, something hit me. and it hurt. FOX chooses to end this season of arrested in april to make way for the new seth mcfarlane animated series, american dad. i can accept this as i am a big fan of mr. mcfarlane (his family guy remains a perenial cadeland favorite.) what i cannot, under any circumstance, accept is that FOX continues to fill it's line-up with new shows like the cringe-inducing life on a stick (premiering march 23) and the if-it's-as-unfunny-as-its-previews-i-just-want-to-die sketch show called...uh... the sketch show (premiering march 13.) not to mention the fact that shows like that 70's show and malcom in the middle which arguably passed their peaks like 5 years ago have already sured up spots for this fall. and since i'm talking comedy, i won't even get into the simple life/nanny 911/trading spouses abominations that will undoubtedly see life well into next season.

my point is this, i simply do not understand how it's fair that such a creative and unique show can ultimately lose out to standard and brainless shite-programs revolving around unfunny teenagers working at a corndog stand.

the one shining point is that FOX has not cancelled arrested yet. in fact, there are supporters still. FOX broadcasting entertainment president gail berman had this to say recently:

"We at Fox love Arrested Development and we look forward to having the Bluth family back on Fox in the future--hopefully for many years,"
whether this is sunshine being blown or not, i have to hope that it holds true.

FOX execs, please take the moral high ground for once. if no one is watching, figure out a way to market it. don't just give up and move on to the next 100 bad ideas. please. the fate of the bluths, and my sanity are depending on it.

happy birthday old friend

dear allen fieldhouse,

tonight, you celebrate your 50th birthday. it should be an emotional night. but don't let it get you down. other venues only WISH that they could have seen the kind of history you've experienced.



think about it. in your brief half-century you've seen some astonishing things. here are a few to remember:

-wilt chamberlain scored 52 points in his freshman debut on dec 3 1956.

-kansas routed kentucky 150-95 on dec 9 1989.

-class of 1998, including raef lafrentz, billy thomas and c.b. mcgrath graduates having never lost at home (58-0).

-down by 15 at halftime, the jayhawks rally to beat ucla by 15 in a never-since duplicated ku comeback on dec 1 1995.

-"pay heed all who enter: beware of the phog," banner makes it's debut on a shower curtain prior to a feb 22 1988, game against duke.

-and one for me personally: jacque vaughn hits a 3-pointer with 0.2 seconds left to down indiana 86-83 on dec 22 1993. thus beginning (championships aside) one of the greatest 5-year runs for any college team ever.

for more check this out

not to mention the players you've seen, including wilt, larry bird, danny manning, paul pierce, countless other jayhawk greats and a young man by the name of michael jordan.

don't let others tell you you're too old. that you're too small. that your windows are a distraction. they don't know you like we do. they don't love you. you are a special, special place. one of the most special in all of sports.

i wish that i could be there to help you celebrate. but, i feel a part of me always will be there thanks to the 5 years we spent together. thanks for the memories and enjoy your day.

happy birthday. here's to fifty more.

sincerely
cade

ps. make sure those seniors have a great time tonight. you always do.