15)
boulevard of broken dreams - GREEN DAY - 2004 - (
lyrics) hey billy, here's idea for a lyric: "i walk a lonely road. i am misunderstood. somebody please pay attention to me." just repeat that basic idea over and over again and...oh wait, you already did. nevermind.
14)
woo hah! got you all in check - BUSTA RHYMES - 1996 - (
lyrics) this is the only song on this entire list that i actually like. but that doesn't discount the fact that it's strange...and terrible.
13)
abracadabra - STEVE MILLER BAND - 1982 - (
lyrics) oh steve. no. just...no.
12)
heartbeat - DON JOHNSON - 1986 - (
lyrics) maybe it's just me...but he looks a LOT like that guy from
nash bridges. now, if you'll excuse me, i off to find a HEAAAAAARTBEEEEAT!! (x12)!!
11)
drops of jupiter - TRAIN - 2001 - (
lyrics) - let's see...awful "cosmic" imagery? check. 700 plays a day on every radio station in the country? check. completely pointless reference to an uber-popular metro-coffee drink? check. what's not to hate?
10)
rico suave - GERARDO - 1991 - (
lyrics) there is just no excuse. none. nada. but hey, that's the price you pay for being a gigolo.
9)
hollaback girl - GWEN STEFANI - 2004 - (
lyrics) i'm not sure that B-A-N-A-N-A-S describes this song justly. perhaps E-X-C-R-E-M-E-N-T is more apropos. the only thing sadder than this drumline-chic nightmare is the accent it puts on ms. stefani's fall from adorable and awesome to annoying and repellent.
8)
foundations - KATE NASH - 2008 - (
lyrics) the song that inspired this entire post. if this "i have a horrible accent so i'm gonna sing with it because it's 'cute'" trend continues, i will officially give up on pop music...again. the best way i have found to articulate my reaction to this song is this: it makes me want to drive into a pole.
7)
dear mr. jesus - POWERSOURCE feat. SHARON BATTS - 1985 - (
lyrics) look, i hate child abuse as much as the next person. but
perhaps, just perhaps, powersource should have found someone OTHER than a seemingly tone deaf, 6 year-old memeber of their team to sing this ode to injustice. then maybe they could have done something about the cause instead of becoming a bonus question on the
world series of pop culture. and yes, even as a 10 year-old boy, i was this bitter.
6)
thong song - SISQO - 1999 - (
lyrics) what better way to follow up the tugged heart-strings of
dear mr. jesus than with an ode to dental floss undergarments? this could have been the next
baby got back. could have. instead, it had all the staying power of a fart in the wind. it probably didn't help that
nothing about the song DIDN'T suck.
5)
courtesy of the red, white and blue (the angry american) - TOBY KEITH - 2002 - (
lyrics) yeah toby, i was angry too. but i chose not to make myself look like a d-bag in front of the entire world. thanks for aiding in the healing process there, buddy.
4)
statue - LOW MILLIONS - 2004 - (
lyrics) the only thing worse than the lyrics to this song....is cancer.
3)
little things - SHAWN CHRISTOPHER - ???? - (lyrics not available) after hearing it before a movie a couple of years ago, i still can't find anything about this song anywhere. it's apparently so bad, even the internet doesn't want to acknowledge it exists. you just have to trust me.
2)
whatzupwitu? - EDDIE MURPHY feat. MICHAEL JACKSON - 1993 - (
lyrics) i really don't feel like i need to explain this to anyone, do i? it should be very, very obvious. and very, very painful.
1)
achy-breaky heart - BILLY RAY CYRUS - 1992 - (
lyrics) long before hannah montana was rotting the brains of our nations tweens, miley's daddy took his own shot at killing off the brain cells of an entire generation. i honestly believe that 98% of all of today's problems wouldn't be an issue if billy ray had never released this song.
