the 15 worst songs ever made
15) boulevard of broken dreams - GREEN DAY - 2004 - (lyrics) hey billy, here's idea for a lyric: "i walk a lonely road. i am misunderstood. somebody please pay attention to me." just repeat that basic idea over and over again and...oh wait, you already did. nevermind.
14) woo hah! got you all in check - BUSTA RHYMES - 1996 - (lyrics) this is the only song on this entire list that i actually like. but that doesn't discount the fact that it's strange...and terrible.
13) abracadabra - STEVE MILLER BAND - 1982 - (lyrics) oh steve. no. just...no.
12) heartbeat - DON JOHNSON - 1986 - (lyrics) maybe it's just me...but he looks a LOT like that guy from nash bridges. now, if you'll excuse me, i off to find a HEAAAAAARTBEEEEAT!! (x12)!!
11) drops of jupiter - TRAIN - 2001 - (lyrics) - let's see...awful "cosmic" imagery? check. 700 plays a day on every radio station in the country? check. completely pointless reference to an uber-popular metro-coffee drink? check. what's not to hate?
10) rico suave - GERARDO - 1991 - (lyrics) there is just no excuse. none. nada. but hey, that's the price you pay for being a gigolo.
9) hollaback girl - GWEN STEFANI - 2004 - (lyrics) i'm not sure that B-A-N-A-N-A-S describes this song justly. perhaps E-X-C-R-E-M-E-N-T is more apropos. the only thing sadder than this drumline-chic nightmare is the accent it puts on ms. stefani's fall from adorable and awesome to annoying and repellent.
8) foundations - KATE NASH - 2008 - (lyrics) the song that inspired this entire post. if this "i have a horrible accent so i'm gonna sing with it because it's 'cute'" trend continues, i will officially give up on pop music...again. the best way i have found to articulate my reaction to this song is this: it makes me want to drive into a pole.
7) dear mr. jesus - POWERSOURCE feat. SHARON BATTS - 1985 - (lyrics) look, i hate child abuse as much as the next person. but perhaps, just perhaps, powersource should have found someone OTHER than a seemingly tone deaf, 6 year-old memeber of their team to sing this ode to injustice. then maybe they could have done something about the cause instead of becoming a bonus question on the world series of pop culture. and yes, even as a 10 year-old boy, i was this bitter.
6) thong song - SISQO - 1999 - (lyrics) what better way to follow up the tugged heart-strings of dear mr. jesus than with an ode to dental floss undergarments? this could have been the next baby got back. could have. instead, it had all the staying power of a fart in the wind. it probably didn't help that nothing about the song DIDN'T suck.
5) courtesy of the red, white and blue (the angry american) - TOBY KEITH - 2002 - (lyrics) yeah toby, i was angry too. but i chose not to make myself look like a d-bag in front of the entire world. thanks for aiding in the healing process there, buddy.
4) statue - LOW MILLIONS - 2004 - (lyrics) the only thing worse than the lyrics to this song....is cancer.
3) little things - SHAWN CHRISTOPHER - ???? - (lyrics not available) after hearing it before a movie a couple of years ago, i still can't find anything about this song anywhere. it's apparently so bad, even the internet doesn't want to acknowledge it exists. you just have to trust me.
2) whatzupwitu? - EDDIE MURPHY feat. MICHAEL JACKSON - 1993 - (lyrics) i really don't feel like i need to explain this to anyone, do i? it should be very, very obvious. and very, very painful.
1) achy-breaky heart - BILLY RAY CYRUS - 1992 - (lyrics) long before hannah montana was rotting the brains of our nations tweens, miley's daddy took his own shot at killing off the brain cells of an entire generation. i honestly believe that 98% of all of today's problems wouldn't be an issue if billy ray had never released this song.
14) woo hah! got you all in check - BUSTA RHYMES - 1996 - (lyrics) this is the only song on this entire list that i actually like. but that doesn't discount the fact that it's strange...and terrible.
13) abracadabra - STEVE MILLER BAND - 1982 - (lyrics) oh steve. no. just...no.
12) heartbeat - DON JOHNSON - 1986 - (lyrics) maybe it's just me...but he looks a LOT like that guy from nash bridges. now, if you'll excuse me, i off to find a HEAAAAAARTBEEEEAT!! (x12)!!
11) drops of jupiter - TRAIN - 2001 - (lyrics) - let's see...awful "cosmic" imagery? check. 700 plays a day on every radio station in the country? check. completely pointless reference to an uber-popular metro-coffee drink? check. what's not to hate?
10) rico suave - GERARDO - 1991 - (lyrics) there is just no excuse. none. nada. but hey, that's the price you pay for being a gigolo.
9) hollaback girl - GWEN STEFANI - 2004 - (lyrics) i'm not sure that B-A-N-A-N-A-S describes this song justly. perhaps E-X-C-R-E-M-E-N-T is more apropos. the only thing sadder than this drumline-chic nightmare is the accent it puts on ms. stefani's fall from adorable and awesome to annoying and repellent.
8) foundations - KATE NASH - 2008 - (lyrics) the song that inspired this entire post. if this "i have a horrible accent so i'm gonna sing with it because it's 'cute'" trend continues, i will officially give up on pop music...again. the best way i have found to articulate my reaction to this song is this: it makes me want to drive into a pole.
7) dear mr. jesus - POWERSOURCE feat. SHARON BATTS - 1985 - (lyrics) look, i hate child abuse as much as the next person. but perhaps, just perhaps, powersource should have found someone OTHER than a seemingly tone deaf, 6 year-old memeber of their team to sing this ode to injustice. then maybe they could have done something about the cause instead of becoming a bonus question on the world series of pop culture. and yes, even as a 10 year-old boy, i was this bitter.
6) thong song - SISQO - 1999 - (lyrics) what better way to follow up the tugged heart-strings of dear mr. jesus than with an ode to dental floss undergarments? this could have been the next baby got back. could have. instead, it had all the staying power of a fart in the wind. it probably didn't help that nothing about the song DIDN'T suck.
5) courtesy of the red, white and blue (the angry american) - TOBY KEITH - 2002 - (lyrics) yeah toby, i was angry too. but i chose not to make myself look like a d-bag in front of the entire world. thanks for aiding in the healing process there, buddy.
4) statue - LOW MILLIONS - 2004 - (lyrics) the only thing worse than the lyrics to this song....is cancer.
3) little things - SHAWN CHRISTOPHER - ???? - (lyrics not available) after hearing it before a movie a couple of years ago, i still can't find anything about this song anywhere. it's apparently so bad, even the internet doesn't want to acknowledge it exists. you just have to trust me.
2) whatzupwitu? - EDDIE MURPHY feat. MICHAEL JACKSON - 1993 - (lyrics) i really don't feel like i need to explain this to anyone, do i? it should be very, very obvious. and very, very painful.
1) achy-breaky heart - BILLY RAY CYRUS - 1992 - (lyrics) long before hannah montana was rotting the brains of our nations tweens, miley's daddy took his own shot at killing off the brain cells of an entire generation. i honestly believe that 98% of all of today's problems wouldn't be an issue if billy ray had never released this song.
posted by cade at 10:41 AM
14 Comments:
Abracadabra. Agreed. Very bad.
a-bra, a-bra...cadabra...I'm gonna reach out and grab-ya
"It rhymes. Hey...this song writes itself." - S. Miller
great post, really enjoyed it.
agent b, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
is that Toby Kieth song the one that has the line about "our boot in your ass?"
when my nephew graduated from boot camp we were subjected to an hour long musical montage of neoredneck-nationalist-zenophobic-emperial triumphalism in the form of videos of our solders blowing shit up (including Iraqis and Afghanis - scuse me, uh "terrorists") accompanied by death metal tunes and that Toby Kieth song. inter mingled with the images of our military blowing shit up were images of Saddam that would fade to images of the two towers falling or Osama (making the mental leap) and then images of Bush in front of the American flag or of him in front of that banner declaring victory.
everyone cheered, except my family and myself and my nephew. i just sat there thinking that i could no longer be shocked at how dumb people are.
that was until i kept hearing people humming that fucking song all day.
d-bag.
honorable mention:
debbie gibson-shake your love
john waite-missing you
billy ocean-out of my dreams, into my car
dj jazzy jeff & the fresh prince-nightmare on my street
the spinners-spaceballs (from the movie spaceballs)
1985 Chicago Bears-Super Bowl Shuffle
Lobo-Me and You and A Dog Named Boo
What? No Fergie?
Dale,
How can you legitimately compare John Waite's Missing You to Dear Mr. Jesus. That's just wrong and messed up.
that foundations video is terrible. who did the artistic direction on that one...a group of "gifted" seventh graders at girl's state?
dr mr jesus belongs at #7...missing you belongs off the top 15, so i'm not exactly equating the two :)
--
now, the song itself, waite sings 'i ain't missing you' about 437 times in 3 minutes times, plus, there's one spot near the end, where he goes through all the different emphasis' possible on the phrase...
i AIN'T missing you
I ain't missing you
i ain't MISSING you
i ain't missing YOU
and so on and so on truly ad nauseam
plus the whole song is a giant contradiction...is he missing this girl for real? is he talking himself into it? (this could explain the mantra-like repetition) are his friends cruel people? what is this long distance line down which his heart is breaking?
--
all that said, opinion about music is varied and this song probably holds some meaning for some people...so i understand if you disagree :)
Dale's complaint about repetition is exactly why Bittersweet Symphony would make the top 3 of my list.
james, i can't believe it took you 9 comments to bring that up.
James,
HOW DARE YOU!
Funny. I hadn't been out here in a couple of days and TODAY was thinking about our conversation around "When September Ends" by Green Day. I wanted to ask a question, but it wasn't going to be topical...now it is.
So, you told me Mike would blow up when I comment that I like "Sept Ends" (and honestly I like Blvd of Broken Dreams as well). And I understand I live in a different world than you guys (I DO NOT LISTEN TO THE RADIO). My question is, why does a song become BAD just because it becomes overplayed? I'm not saying there aren't overplayed songs that actually are bad, but I know of some good songs that people HATE, but I don't think its because of the song but the Experience of hearing it endlessly. Can we compartmentalize adequately and make that distinction or do they all get lumped together?
geesh dave. way to get all philosophical.
overplaying a song doesn't make it "bad" in my opinion. overplaying a BAD song on the other hand...just solidifies how awful it was to begin with.
that's just me, though.
Oh yeah...late notice...
Mr. Jesus star Sharon Batts went to the church I worked at a few years ago. She was 20-something at the time.
Kind of a weird chick.
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