a shameless and pointless plug

i was just going through my website tidying some stuff up and considering new and exciting routes to explore, when i came across the most grossly under-used section in all of cadeland.

cap'n wacky's forum

in a vain attempt to resurrect the seemingly defunct page, i offer it up to anyone who reads this blog. at the very least, if you have lot of time to kill and want to laugh and go "huh?" all at the same time, just scroll to the bottom and start reading up. if you want to post something, feel free, just follow the simple instructions on the front page.

maybe together, we can save this bastian of randomness.

thank you.

(this self-indulgent plea was brought to you by the good folks at TARGET and by the letter "J".)

summer movie preview

back by popular demand, here's all the information you need to ensure a valuable and productive summer at the movies. if you all are as excited as i am about a summer of t.v. shows turned into bad movies, then you will enjoy this preview.

(reminder of my ratings scale: *=awful, **=terrible, ***=bad, ****=okay, *****=might be worth seeing)

WARNING: possible spoilers included. if you want to know NOTHING about a movie (ie. star wars), please skip over it.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (5/6) good cast. proven director. tough subject matter. i like it. besides, it's obvious that ridley scott is the only one who can pull off this kind of period piece. *****

HOUSE OF WAX (5/6) paris hilton better die in this thing. *

KICKING AND SCREAMING (5/13) i love will ferrell. i even saw anchorman in the theater. i will not be so inclined this time. **

UNLEASHED (5/13) luc besson can find humanity in just about anything. jet li as a man raised as a fighting dog? i'm game. ****

MONSTER-IN-LAW (5/13) jane fonda's back! if this excites you, have fun. i'll be at home watching...well...anything else, really. *

STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH (5/19) an army of wookies? FIVE lightsaber duels? desperate jedis facing extinction? call me nuts. call me stupid. but i am remaining wildly optimistic. ****

THE LONGEST YARD (5/27) it's the waterboy in prison. that's right where it belongs, but it's still not a good idea. **

(sidenote: i H-A-T-E remakes.)

CINDERELLA MAN (6/3) impressive pedigree. i'm sure it will be great, boxing is hot right now. but i admit, i just can't get excited about it. ****

LORDS OF DOGTOWN (6/3) the birth of skate boarding in southern california in the 1970's? okay. starring heath ledger and johnny knoxville? oh, nevermind. **

MR. AND MRS. SMITH (6/10) pointless gossip aside, this should be pretty good. it's angelina. it's brad. there's something for everyone. if the balance between action and comedy is there...we're in business. ****

THE HONEYMOONERS (6/10) a remake of the classic television show. and in true guess who style, cedric the entertainer channels jackie gleason. could be funny, but i'm gonna lean the other way. **

BATMAN BEGINS (6/17) christopher nolan helms this new telling of the caped crusader. pee wee herman could play batman and i would still line up to see what the memento director does with it. so christian bale will suit just fine. *****

HERBIE: FULLY LOADED (6/24) everyone's favorite VW makes his leap into the CG millennium. oh good. *

BEWITCHED (6/24) a remake of the classic television show. will ferrell and nicole kidman push the limits of how many movies they can force on us at once. oh, and shirley mcclaine plays endora. **

WAR OF THE WORLDS (6/29) spielberg directs this special effects extravaganza AND tom cruise stars in it. a blockbuster for sure. but, as we say in cadeland : "helloooo, netflix." if only little dakota fanning could find some work. ***

FANTASTIC FOUR (7/8) if it lives up to it's genre brethren (x-men, spiderman, the hulk) this will be great. somehow, i think it's going to fall short. prove me wrong, guys. ***

DARK WATER (7/8) i look forward to every one of jennifer connelly's performances (house of sand and fog, the hulk). this american remake of a japanese horror movie officially breaks that streak. (yep, i hated the ring too.) **

WEDDING CRASHERS (7/15) i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this vince vaughn/owen wilson screwball buddy comedy is going to be funny. very, very funny. *****

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (7/15) tim burton, check. johnny depp, check. sureallistic telling of a simple, crazy story, check. sure it's a remake, but there are only two people who could pull this one off. lucky for us, they have. ****

THE BAD NEWS BEARS (7/22) i was upset about this one at first, but after seeing billy bob thornton (as coach buttermaker) in a "she looked good last night" t-shirt, i'll allow it. ***

THE ISLAND (7/22) a promising new project from summer-only-director, michael bay. but, promises tend to be broken...just rewatch pearl harbor. yeah, i'm not going to either. ****

SKY HIGH (7/29) kurt russell teaches superhero-ing in a superhero school. <sarcasm>this is gonna be great.</sarcasm> *

THE BROTHERS GRIMM (7/29) it's time for terry gilliam to have another great movie. i can only hope this is it. ****

THE PINK PANTHER (8/5) steve martin is french? in this *yawn* remake of the original peter sellers classic, martin will no doubt be funny. and i will no doubt, rent the original. ***

(sidenote: i still hate remakes.)

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD (8/5) all together now: a remake of the classic television show. do the words "charlie's f-ing angels" mean anything to anyone?!? i would rather see o.j. simpson as daisy duke than jessica simpson. *

BROKEN FLOWERS (8/5) the latest installment in the "let's-get-bill-murray-that-oscar" campaign. ****

DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO (8/12) hmmm, rhymes with: no. *

SKELETON KEY (8/12) looks original...oh wait, it's not. no, in fact, it's EXACTLY the same as every other nouveau-thriller in the last 5 years. and i've hated them all. *

THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN (8/19) let's see if steve carell can CARRY a movie instead of just stealing scenes. ***

that's it for this round. until next time, i'll see YOU at the movies. or, at least, the checkout line at blockbuster.

just another evening in beverly

full moon.

beach.

yeah, i think i'll stick around for a while.

music review: in 2 parts

yesterday, i received a c.d. in the mail from a friend in florida (thanks lainie). the disc was purchased solely on the basis of the title and then promptly sent to me to approve. so here is my two-part review of:

logic will break your heart by the stills

while it doesn't necessarily stand out from the rest of the new "hey, let's recreate the 80's but make it depressing" movement, the stills' debut grabbed me immediately. it's one part the cure, one part the killers and a dash of the smiths all whirlled into a series of catchy and moody gems. this canadian quartet holds it's own in today's saturated market. "logic" is a perfect throwback to everything that was good about 80's brit-modern rock. contemporary and timeless (in theory) and utterly enjoyable.

that said, i have a big problem with the band's name.

if i see one more band with the name THE whatever, i will scream. the stills join the ranks of other newcomers the bravery, the killers, the leftovers and the unicorns as the next generation of creative-less band names.

of course, this is no new phenonmenon. in the last ten years, we've seen the hives, the vines, the strokes, the verve, the ataris, the breathers, the calling, the cardigans, the donnas, the shins, the faint, the kicks, and the darkness.

before that, there were the cars, the pixies, the clash, the smiths, the fixx, the knack, the tubes, the outfield, the motels, the vapors and the buggles. there's even a band called the THE.

even back to the british invasion and it's subsequent waves: the beatles, the association, the turtles, the doors, the who, the kinks.

my question is this: why can't bands come up with better names?

i haven't even mentioned some bands that i really enjoy like the cranberries, the cure and the choir. or bands whose name is the family name: the corrs, the ramones (yeah i know that's not their real name), the carpenters. and for the sake of brevity, i have left out bands with more than one word after the "the." (i could do a whole post on the white stripes, but i won't.)

on rollingstone.com, i did a search for "the *" and it came back with 7573 listings. that's more than a few.

so come on bands, you're musicians. you're creative. you can come up with something better. i know you can.

paris and nicole R.I.P.

well, it's official:

paris hilton and nicole richie are no longer friends. (read article.)

i will now go drown myself.

for those of you who didn't quite get the subtle things about that article that were either utterly ridiculous or completely worthless in pertaining to relevant society, i have annotated each example by highlighting it in red. you may see the annotated version here.

am i the only one who is going to camp out to see house of wax just for the opportunity to possibly see paris killed onscreen? but, hey. at least she's in a movie now. that means finally, there's a small amount of validation (i said small) for her fame.

class outside

today, finally, i went outside to enjoy the new england spring weather.

yes, today is the kind of crystal-clear, sunny-without-being-hot, mid-60s, enough-of-a-breeze-to-make-you-want-to-sleep-in-the-park kinda day that turns every college sophmore into 3rd grader, begging the professor: "can we have class outside today?"

so (at post-time, nearly 7 years removed from college) i had my own class outside today. it mostly consisted walking to the beach (a mere 2 blocks away.) taking a break anywhere my mind told me. sitting and writing a bit while my digital walkman dj'ed all of my personal favorites. observing kids playing wiffleball in beverly common. a great afternoon capped off with lunch at the atomic cafe and a trip to my local bank.

i friggin' love spring.

shhh...don't tell me how it ends

tomorrow, i leave for four days to meet with my team in louisville.

this makes me sad because i now have to record the first installment of NBC's "highly anticipated" mini-series, revelations. i have to wait until friday night before i can see the beginnings of how the earth is going to end.

for those of you who don't know, revelations is an apocalyptic, secret-code chasing thriller that is "loosely based on the biblical book of the end-time." apparently "loosely" means that you don't even have to get the name right. if they DID use the book of revelation as inpiration, they were probably too into it to check out the first page to see its s-less title. but maybe i'm not being fair.

kudos to NBC, for this cutting edge "event." the producers have obviously tapped into a little used genre that needs to be exploited. NBC certainly isn't jumping on any band wagons here, and for that, they should be applauded.

anyway, don't tell me what happens because i don't want it to get spoiled. it's gonna be great! right? you know, on second thought...maybe i'll just go watch my copy of CBS's locusts again instead.

if netflix was a person...

...i would have to beat it senseless.

nothing in this world frustrates me quite like stupidity. and i never thought a computer program, via a popular website would show me that it's not just people, but...

i logged into the 'flix today to check my current queue. as always, i was greeted by a kind page spouting "you have recommendations." mindlessly, i clicked the link.

predator: collectors edition (1987)

the fact that predator came up was the first clue that something was wrong. for the life of me i couldn't figure out why this schwarzenegger/weathers/ventura action movie from the 80's would come up in my recommendation file. i thought to myself:

how in the hell, after my EXTENSIVE movie ratings in their database of mostly movies that i love (that aren't 80's action movies), did netflix choose THIS movie to recommend to me? what could i have possibly liked that would warrant this?

then i saw it. at the lower left of the screen i see this:




i've been beating my head against the wall all day trying to figure this one out. good luck.

steriods is NOT the problem

(thanks muffin for the title)

according to an article today, the average baseball player's salary is at a paltry $2.6 million. up for the first time in 3 years.

read the article here.

finally, the salaries are going up. i was wondering what we had to do to get these guys some love. personally, i have been donating two cans of soup a month to the david-ortiz-must-eat fund. maybe he'll be able to get by on his own now.

as for the article, i was proud that my "29th richest out of 30 teams" KC royals were mentioned not once, but twice. who needs money when your team consistently goes...to...the...playoffs.....in 1985?

but, my favorite part is marquis grissom's stunning observation. the san francisco giants' outfielder had this to say:

"That means we're going in the right direction. When they go up, it's always good."

congratulations, marquis. you've just made my list of people who are an embarrassment to smart people.

do me a favor. stop talking to the media. in fact, don't talk to anyone. just drive your mercedes SUV from your mansion back to the ballpark and play the GAME that they're paying you millions to play. and while you're at it, how's bout you buy a house for a teacher or a fireman.

is that "right direction" enough for ya?

an open letter to roy williams

dear roy-

first off, congratulations on winning your first national championship. we all knew you would get it eventually.

also, i wanted to say that i am incredibly impressed with what you have done at north carolina. you took a group of whining, selfish thugs who only wanted to go to the nba and turned them into a team that not only played well together, but won a national championship. and all in only 2 years.

that said, i do have some grievances to air. i would be lying if i said that i was rooting for you to win tonight. in the deepest part of my heart i wanted to see you win a championship...but not until AFTER we brought one home to kansas. i wanted to prove to the country that kansas basketball is just as good, if not better since you left us so abruptly two years ago. obviously, i now need to re-evaluate my heart.

i am in NO WAY saying that i do not have complete faith in bill self. i am very happy that he is our coach. however, the thin line between love and hate that me and many of the jayhawk faithful crossed upon your departure in 2003 has left somewhat of a bad taste. not so much THAT you left, but HOW you left. i forgive you for going home. but i wanted so much to believe that it was the wrong move. i wanted to believe that we weren't being left out to dry and you would struggle in your new home. it's not that i don't still respect the hell out of you, but it is nearly unbearable to watch you, a man who personified our university for 15 years, finally accomplish this feat with another school in 2 brief years when, in 15 years, you couldn't bring one to us with the same kind of teams and talent. you can understand my wanting your first championship to be several years away and not tonight. it's a pride thing. i freely and openly admit that.

i also admit that i am bitter. i admit that i am jealous. i believe that kansas needs a championship more than UNC did. and no one will ever be able to convince me that, had you stayed at KU, we wouldn't have won it once in the last two years. instead, we had a program that was divided. your players, self's system. the clean slate will begin next year, but a clean slate is a step backward in my opinion. and for this, it will take much longer for me to forgive. why couldn't your team experience the same transitional growing pains that we have had?

all in all, i realize that what's done is done. i have done my part to move on. i look forward to being able to pull for you and your teams again in the future.

but, tonight was just too soon.

carolina will remain an elite program. kansas will remain an elite program. now that you have your ring, let us play for a little bit so that we can regain the rich comparisons that our schools have shared throughout the history of the game.

and don't get too upset when we beat you.

best of luck in the future, roy. this is the last letter i will write to you.

-cade-

okay...two MORE things...

thanks to a reminder from the mysterious "bascy," i have remebered two more things to be thankful for.

1) nerf guns.

2) robert rodriguez and frank miller's sin city.

so, in honor of both, i give you this:

2 things to be thankful for

1) red sox @ yankees tonight at 8pm. the baseball season officially starts. therefore, i don't feel bad about hating tomorrow night's college basketball championship. go royals!*

and

2)dan brown's "angels and demons." thanks to mr. "davinci code," i am now completely informed and actually interested in the whole conclave/choosing of the next pope process. i just have to keep myself from getting carried away and thinking there's a huge cover-up or an explosive device involved, but it keeps it interesting anyway.





(*)opening day is the only time i can rightfully and unabashedly root for my home team. everything here after is pain.