"crappy reality show"...we hardly knew ye

ABC pulled it's reality show, welcome to the neighborhood, before it even premiered due to "controversy." apparently, it wasn't a good idea to film a neighborhood full of racists and bigots and force them to reconcile their prejudices. who knew?

i hardly have the energy to complain about the state of television anymore. it's summer, that means you can watch baseball OR any number of hastily thrown together, unorginal, and generally annoying programs labelled as "shocking" and "groundbreaking." label me as "bored."

forget the fact that reality televison is horrible at it's core. (note: no effort will be spent on my part in regard to the new "fox reality channel.") but now, the execs are touting the "importance" of these shows and they are trying to help society. the swan helped nobody. and while i'm just positive that the folks in the now defunct neigborhood will no doubt sign up for the GLAAD newsletter now that they have a more open view of others, america did not need this show.

i can only dream that this is the beginning of the end for the darkest age in american television...but somehow, i think my dream of winning wimbledon is a little more feasible.

shout out!

for those who haven't yet...head on over to becky's place for a stellar conversation on the man, the myth, the cusack.

whew!

late last night, i returned from (possibly) my last official week of work with "giant-global-financial-institution" for the entire year. it was capped off by my first (and hopefully last) ever losing trip to las vegas. so, here is what you may have missed in my 3 week absence:

- on what can only be called a "debrief day" in san diego last week, the cool breeze and low temperatures convinced me that i would not burn in the sun...i, of course, was wrong.

- i have nothced up 3 more ballparks on my tour.

- my laptop computer (aka: the devil) and my eddie bauer suitcase (aka: the devil's suitcase) have made their last trips anywhere. they are hereby retired from public life.

- i have the opportunity to fly into the interior of mexico in the next few weeks to shoot a mission documentary....with my dad. (i could not be more excited about this.)

- i accidentally washed my cellphone after an exhausting round of 100 degree golf and was forced to buy a too-expensive replacement WITH a dreaded camera-phone.

- the more i listen to it, the more i love the new coldplay album.

- i read nick horby's high fidelity and am mostly through about a boy. why have i never read him 'til now?

- thanks to a grumpy old man, i now want to visit china more than ever.

- on that tip, i am going to paris next year for the french open if it kills me. (possible sidejaunt to scotland giddily noted.)

- i have no job, no money and i am planning not 1, not 2, but THREE trips to foreign countries.

- i need a job.

- having been in kansas city, texas AND calfornia in the past 21 days...beverly feels like home.

21 down, 9 to go

last night, i spent the evening with 35,000 of my closest friends in southern california. only, i found out that these 35,000 aren't actually my friends...no, in fact, they don't like me at all.

the unforgivably named petco park in lovely san diego is the 21st active (#22 is the now defunct < sarcasm> wonderful </sarcasm> candlestick park in san francisco) major league baseball park i have been to since 1999. i was excited to go to this 15 month-old park and witness a game between two great pitchers (derek lowe(LA) vs. woody williams(SD)) and between two division rivals. (look for the actual review in a week or so.)

i've never felt more unwelcome at a ballpark in my life.

first off, there was the cab ride to the park. my driver immediately started in (without invitation, of course) about the difficulty of college. math, in particular. the 10 minute ride consisted mostly, no...ENTIRELY, of him complaining about learning algebra some 20 years after he forgot it. i didn't make much sense to me either. he drops me off after a slight detour and i run from the cab like he's covered in tomatoes.

i wandered around the ballpark a few times looking for the right window to pick up my ticket. once i finally got it, i entered through the gate at home plate. i handed my ticket to the lady and she looked at me oddly.

"just scan it right there." she said sternly, pointing to a scanner mounted on the turnstile.

i think to myself, "has the long-suffered job of ticket-taking finally gotten the reprieve it needs? these people can now just stand and point instead of laboring through the rigorous task of scanning or tearing the ticket manually. it's about damn time these people's lives were made easier!"

onto the game itself. i find my section and am forced to go around to the next aisle after the woman on the end stares at me blankly and unflinching from her seat for a solid minute upon my request to pass by. apparently, i was out of line. the night is playing out oh-so well.

my seat, is one of the few highlights. section 300 row 12, upper deck, right behind home plate (literally, DIRECTLY behind it.) i settle in between a woman who speaks no english and a 14 year-old "couple" who apparently see baseball as the perfect reason to paw at each other incessantly.

4 innings in, a drunk man about 5 rows behind me starts letting the dodgers know just how much they suck. every batter...after every pitch...at top volume. then he takes on the dodger pitchers in the bottom of each inning...after every pitch...from the 4th inning on. i eventually fashion a sort of filter to ignore this man, but by the middle of the 8th, i'm done. the padres are up 2-1, (it really HAD been a great game) and i decided to get up and take in the last inning or so from different places in the park, just to check it out. as soon as i stand up, i hear from my loud buddy behind me:

"that's right! go home dodgers fan!"

i pause. turn around. and mutter "do i LOOK like a dodgers fan?"

"then where are you going?"

"over there."

after a moment, he concludes our little encounter with the very astute: "dodgers suck!" i walked away, sad that this was the closest thing to an actual conversation i had the entire night.

the last inning was the only hint of excitment in the whole game. trevor hoffman came in and shut LA down, but not before giving up 2 walks. the place actually came alive. and i'm sure it had nothing to do with the "get loud" graphics flashing all over the scorboards.

i left the park, a little bewildered, and hailed a cab. i was secretly praying not to get my "college" friend. no no. on the ride home, i was treated with a man listening to some npr-style radio show about space and reincarnation and how "fate brought my husband and i together at a sub shop." cabbie laughed at every lame joke the host made. at one point he asked my opinion on something, but i just stared at the passing buses and cars. back at the hotel, i threw him a twenty and bee-lined for my room.

i think one more conversation this evening would have been one too many.

well, i tried...

after more than a couple of days trying to hold a stable connection AND upload a proper where in the world is cade? photograph, i have given up. i don't know why it won't go and this "hello-blogger" thing has to be the stupidest program ever created. so, there are no smart-assy pics to rub in the fact that the weather here is perfect and my hotel room overlooks the bay.

alas. maybe next time.




oh, and incindentally, from the home-ec department: cellular telephones are NOT machine washable.

...and now for something completely different

at the risk of moving on from a quality (read: more than 20 posts! relevant or not.) discussion in my last post, i feel i must share this moment in my life.

tonight, i sat on a patio in the south texas heat with my father and his golfing buddy, bill. at 74 years-young, bill is a true fitness buff and is, in all honesty, the very realization of lloyd bridges' izzy "it's go time!" mandelbaum from seinfeld. now, the whole point of this encounter was to discuss bill's recent trips to china and russia (two places i have long wanted to go.) not truly sure what exactly happened during said encounter, i have only these observations:

1) bill apparently was expecting me to come bearing many questions as to how i could plan a similar trip.

2) i wasn't prepared to ask questions, but rather simply wanted to hear about his experiences/see pictures/etc.

awkward silences and rough attempts at jokes followed.

i had to try so hard not to laugh when the photo album finally made it's appearance and was found to be full of pictures taken by an older gentleman with obvious sight issues on a manual focus camera. in other words, EVERY picture was out of focus. thank goodness there were postcards to be shared.

did i mention that he only had pics from russia? none of china. at least none that i could see.

the whole episode took about 20 minutes and as i rode away with my dad in his golf cart, i flipped through the tour magazines (only of russia, of course) that bill let me borrow and dreamt of the day i could see this remarkable country with my own eyes...clearly and in focus.

a couple quick things

1) due to my recent road trip, i have updated the ballparks page at cadeland. check it out. (and thanks b, for going with in chicago.) check back, 'cause there will be another one to see after my trip to san diego next week.

AND

2) the retro-style indie movement (think the killers and franz ferdinand) backlash in music has officially begun. if you haven't heard "statue" by low millions...it's the worst song ever written. not only does it sound like someone ate the goo goo dolls and matchbox 20 and then puked them into a bag of feces, but the lyrics are equally awful.

read the horribleness here.

that's right, he rhymes the word "statue" with gems like "about you" and "cats do." and let's not forget how wonderful it is to say something like "talk to myself like the crazies do." also, the imagery is terrible. for example:

"it’s raining like the clouds all decided to cry."

die already.

this is the worst thing since train's unforgivable "drops of jupiter" in 2001. so i guess that means this turd will win album of the year at the grammys as well. i hate popular music.

at the very least, gwen stefani's train wreck "holla back girl" is no longer stuck in my brain.


that's probably all for now.

on love (and all that stuff)

there is something about a wedding that cuts me.

not the sort of wedding where you're forced to go because you know someone who knows someone. but the kind of wedding where one of your dear friends is found complete before God and all the witnesses. the kind of wedding that makes you feel estatic and jealous all at the same time, creating a new emotion that has no name.

i have witnessed every variation of the ceremony known as "the wedding." the amazing, the strange, the humorous, the uncomfortable. all of it. and i cherish the times when it goes beoyond amazing and straight to...well, divine.

last night, my friend jack got married. it was an outdoor wedding, at a farmhouse, in kansas, in june. the risk was great and the potential for weather and cow-related issues was high. however (despite a devastating storm that interrupted the rehearsal dinner and flooded many surrounding roadson friday night,) 6:30 pm rolled around on saturday and the sun broke through the clouds just in time to backlight the entire wedding party and turn the pond (serving as the backdrop for the unity candles and such) into a glowing sea of blue and gold. yet despite the sunshine, the temperature (which could have easily soared into the 90's) stayed relatively at bay and a beautiful evening began.

there is something so pure about seeing two people who so complete each other, come together in such a lovely and fortunate setting. without details, i'll just say that jack and mindy deserved EXACTLY this moment. it was perfect.

then, to the reception. "the party tent" held about 200 people and 4-times as many beers. here, the night turned a little selfish for me. since i moved away from kansas city, i have talked to few people. last night allowed me the chance to catch up with friends who became very dear in the waining months of my kansas-ness. had i stayed, these would be the people i would spend my time with. share my life with. and last night i got to do just that a little. it made me sad, in a way, to leave. not that i don't love my new home on the atlantic. but, rather that i can't have it all. i have deep, lasting friendships all across the country and i love that. but, i can't be surrounded by everyone that i love at the same time. it's just not possible. i have sacrificed the KC group and last night made me feel that for the first time.

anyway, back to love. i am a bitter, jaded soul. but i admit, that is just a front. i cry often. i cry while listening to music. i cry during oscar acceptance speeches. and i cry at weddings if everything is right. i fight the urge to be jealous, but i am rarely successful. and i'm okay with that. i'm jealous that the bride and groom have found each other despite impossible odds. i'm jealous that my married friends (read: everyone at the reception) all have amazing wives, and that i can easily and comfortably have a fascinating and truthful conversation with them as if i've known them for years as well. it's a humbling thing to encounter.

anyway, i feel like i am rambling. i'm still a little groggy from the drive back last night, and i am trying desperately to come up with a wrap up for this post, but i think i just have to let it end. i don't have all the answers. if i did, maybe i could start an advice column or something.

ah kansas.

due to jamie's similar week of nostalgia, i wanted in on a little of my own. i dug this from the living room of one mr e. day. he is a silent partner in this little KU ring of ours and i am staying in his guest room.



from the left we got fletch, the good doctor, half of dave's head, dan the man, e day, and me before all the bitterness and loathing set in.

this was taken at the last home football game in 1996. 3 of them graduated the next spring, and 3 of us stayed on another year or more. and yes i still own and wear that flannel.

i just love this picture.

conspicuously un-present in above pic are: muffin (though he CAN be seen rocking out here), the ubiquitous andrew and k-roeker. i'll keep looking around.

on the road again

because you missed it as much as i did, here is a new chapter of fun with cade in airports.

***WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS PROFANITY*** (sorry mom)

after today, i have to update my list of the worst airports in america. so here's the new top 5:

1) chicago o'hare

2) chicago o'hare

3) chicago o'hare

4) dallas/ft. worth

5) chicago o'hare

I HATE FUCKING O'HARE! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

and the only thing worse than flying through o'hare is flying through o'hare on united. today was no exception.

after a peaceful and flawless flight from boston, we landed through crystal clear summer skies in the windy city. "fantastic." i thought. "no weather delays." i hiked the 18 1/4 miles from terminal c to terminal f (a trek i've learned to hate and to accept when flying united express) and made it with just enough time to board. oh, but we didn't board.

"ladies and gentlemen traveling to kansas city. there is a slight problem with the jet bridge attached to your aircraft. we're working on it and apologize for the delay."

"so, what's a slight delay?" i thought. i'd certainly experienced worse here in the ninth circle of hell that is o'hare.

the following events happened at a rate that made me lose track of time, so here is the summary.

-the delay gets pushed back twice. finally, we're given the ultimatum of "one hour" for them to decide whether this particular airplane could leave or not. (what the airplane's condition had to do with the jet bridge, was never fully realized.)

-while still in the "one hour" wait, and during a particular ripping game of cellular solitaire, my phone rings. i answer. a computerized voice tells me that my flight has been cancelled. but, i have been "successfully rebooked" on the 10:45 am flight automatically tomorrow morning. "hooray! i've been successfully rebooked...WAIT A SECOND!"

-fighting a postal snap, i head to customer service only to find no help in the form of one phone representative and two counter reps. assuring me they can do nothing, all the while booking everyone else around me onto american flights leaving later tonight. i literally pounded my head against the counter and asked if a bribe would work?

-after exhausting my pleas and threats, and after enduring a mind-numbingly irradic printer, i hang my head in defeat and make my way through security and toward the free shtuttle that would take me to my lovely (i'm sure) holiday inn express room.

-armed with a handful of vouchers (which i'll get to) i decided to call one more time to see if i could get some compensation out of this mess. 5,000 miles is NOT too much to ask in this case.

-alone, tired, hungry and now in the baggage claim i finally get through. i blow up at the lady on the other end. she let's me vent, then calmly asks
"where are you going?" "kansas city." "they couldn't get you on the 8:35?" "they said it was booked." "i've got one seat here." "do it."

-with newfound optimism, i wait in line to check in again, and fight my way back through security and all the way back to terminal c. a mere 4 gates from where i landed 5 hours earlier.

the good news is, i made it to KC. and of course the two seats in front of me were empty on the flight. oh, and also the kid sitting in seat d on my row threw up all over himself. but, i made it.

and what does united leave me with for compensation?



that's right a FIVE DOLLAR dinner voucher! in CHICAGO!

fuckers.

yet, like anyone in an abusive relationship, i shall continue to fly united because they give me lots of miles and promises of good times and kittens and all that other malarkey.

i'm so glad i'm driving home.

tv shows on dvd AKA somebody please shoot me

it's a trend. i have learned to deal with that. in some cases, it's a great trend. in most cases, it just makes me want to see if i can play a tupperware lid of soy sauce in my dvd player.

here's the lowdown.

the good:

dramas like 24, lost, desperate housewives and the sopranos make perfect sense. they're popular, addictive and would struggle to fit (in my opinion) into any syndication situation. good idea, but for every one of these shows, there are a dozen boomtowns. just sayin'.

sitcoms. friends (a little known show from the '90s) started this whole thing off. the greats have followed suit: (seinfeld, cheers, m.a.s.h.) and i, for one, am thrilled to see shows like newsradio, scrubs and of course arrested devolpment make their way to my shelves. yes, sitcoms are a gold mine...IF THEY WERE GOOD TO BEGIN WITH. my big fat greek life only lasted 7 episodes for a reason. we don't need to watch it over and over.

also, classic sitcoms are a brilliant idea. i love lucy. the mary tyler moore show. happy days. all of the nick at nite fare. the built-in audiences are there...

the bad:

...just make sure there IS an audience. if no one watched the show while it was on tv, why would you release it on dvd? to make back the money it cost to make? i guess that would make sense, but will the $17 trillion an episode father of the pride sell even a hundred units? we shall see.

shows that were cancelled. especially after less than a season. i've mentioned my big fat greek life and father of the pride. unless there was a HUGE outcry for a dvd (see: family guy or freaks and geeks,) they shouldn't even bother. anyone taking bets on whether the deluxe edition of life on a stick is here in time for christmas? i thought not. although i would pay top dollar for a dvd copy of all 5 episodes of the $treet, there are some things that even my obsession with jennifer connelly can't overcome.

poorly made/terrible mini-series'. my favorite, revelations comes out this summer. while there are some that are worth seeing again, there are also dinotopia and 10.5.

stupid studio decisions. i'm as excited as anyone about the office (american version) coming out, but they should have waited until they had more than six episodes to put on the dvd. this is the kind of rush-to-market over-saturation that will make us all sick of this trend VERY quickly. it's only a matter of time before less worthy mid-seasoners follow. what's next? stacked: the first 2 1/2 episodes? (sorry pam.) by the way, kansas' own, kirstie alley, just released the unforgivable fat actress to the tagline: "the weight is over." what wait? didn't it just premiere?!

and that's the perfect lead-in for...

the unacceptable:

this is easy: reality shows. answer this question to yourself. now that i know who wins, do i REALLY care enough about these "people" to watch this train wreck again? if your answer is "yes," there's a special aisle for you at best buy. it's in the alley out back. the clerk's name is eddie. he'll take care of you.

it's no secret that i hate reality shows (with the exception of the amazing race, which is less reality than a kick-ass game show.) and there is NO reason i would ever pay money to watch one...especially if i knew the outcome of each episode already. even typing this, i am without words to describe my true feeling for this phenomenon.

reality shows on dvd. i'd rather watch matt leblanc play baseball with a monkey in that...baseball...monkey...movie with matt leblanc...in it.

the only thing worse than reality shows on dvd, is this.

i guess my big problem is that shows like ally mcbeal and the practice have yet to see the light of day yet t.j. hooker comes out in august. great sketch comedy series' like the kids in the hall (stalled at season 2) and upright citizens brigade (ditto season 1) are not being completed because they "don't sell well." yet alf is a "go" for seasons 2 & 3.


who is responsible for these decisions and why are they allowed to leave their houses?

baseball: the season so far

let's see here:

the royals are off to the worst start in franchise history and have a very real shot at breaking the '62 mets record for most loses in a season. last season was one that any true fan of the boys in blue would consider a "horrible" one at best. and this year could be WORSE.

after little more than a month, tony pena (who was NOT to blame and is a good coach) resigned as the manager because he was unhealthily distraught over the day-in/day-out stupid mistakes that his young club kept making. the royals have found every way to lose a game. from a pitching gem where they couldn't muster a single run and lose 1-0, to giving away a 5 run lead in the 9th on 3 walks and 2 errors. there is no losing possibility that this team hasn't uncovered in this young season.

the average age of the starting line-up is 12. and the bullpen couldn't throw a ball through a tire from 10 feet away. but, it's a "rebuilding year." really? maybe they should have thought of that when they spent all their money last year on worthless veterans like juan gonzalez. reality check! they've BEEN rebuilding for the last 6 years. shouldn't they have a product by now?

mike sweeney continues to be the only star. he is tied down to his contract (which is the ONLY reason the team had a winning record 2 years ago. to lock him down.) and has always said he wants to stay in KC. he won't. they will trade him for some more 7th graders and he will go to a winning team and be confused because he doesn't know what it feels like to finish above 4th in a division. more power to him. i wish him nothing but the best.

there is no money to pump into the organization. the front office makes less-than-stellar decisions on a regular basis. and the fans have stopped caring...

but the royals just swept the yankees. so, i guess all is right with the world.

unpleasantness

so, i pull into wendy's for my late lunch. i order my chicken sandwich combo without incident and i am off. having not eaten yet today, i reach into the bag and cram a handful of hot fries into my mouth. it takes me about 3 or 4 chews to realize why this didn't feel right.

"am i chewing on paper?" i thought to myself.

then it hit.

i had just ingested (along with a lot of fries) the little salt packet that i did not ask for.

as the sodium overload rushed to my brain directly through my sinuses, i grabbed for my drink in hopes that i could wash it away while simultaneously avoiding any one of the dozen fellow drivers who were completely unaware of the dramatic struggle happening inside my car.

just a little bit of comedy i thought i would share. remember, always look before you eat.