on the road again
because you missed it as much as i did, here is a new chapter of fun with cade in airports.
***WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS PROFANITY*** (sorry mom)
after today, i have to update my list of the worst airports in america. so here's the new top 5:
1) chicago o'hare
2) chicago o'hare
3) chicago o'hare
4) dallas/ft. worth
5) chicago o'hare
I HATE FUCKING O'HARE! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
and the only thing worse than flying through o'hare is flying through o'hare on united. today was no exception.
after a peaceful and flawless flight from boston, we landed through crystal clear summer skies in the windy city. "fantastic." i thought. "no weather delays." i hiked the 18 1/4 miles from terminal c to terminal f (a trek i've learned to hate and to accept when flying united express) and made it with just enough time to board. oh, but we didn't board.
"ladies and gentlemen traveling to kansas city. there is a slight problem with the jet bridge attached to your aircraft. we're working on it and apologize for the delay."
"so, what's a slight delay?" i thought. i'd certainly experienced worse here in the ninth circle of hell that is o'hare.
the following events happened at a rate that made me lose track of time, so here is the summary.
-the delay gets pushed back twice. finally, we're given the ultimatum of "one hour" for them to decide whether this particular airplane could leave or not. (what the airplane's condition had to do with the jet bridge, was never fully realized.)
-while still in the "one hour" wait, and during a particular ripping game of cellular solitaire, my phone rings. i answer. a computerized voice tells me that my flight has been cancelled. but, i have been "successfully rebooked" on the 10:45 am flight automatically tomorrow morning. "hooray! i've been successfully rebooked...WAIT A SECOND!"
-fighting a postal snap, i head to customer service only to find no help in the form of one phone representative and two counter reps. assuring me they can do nothing, all the while booking everyone else around me onto american flights leaving later tonight. i literally pounded my head against the counter and asked if a bribe would work?
-after exhausting my pleas and threats, and after enduring a mind-numbingly irradic printer, i hang my head in defeat and make my way through security and toward the free shtuttle that would take me to my lovely (i'm sure) holiday inn express room.
-armed with a handful of vouchers (which i'll get to) i decided to call one more time to see if i could get some compensation out of this mess. 5,000 miles is NOT too much to ask in this case.
-alone, tired, hungry and now in the baggage claim i finally get through. i blow up at the lady on the other end. she let's me vent, then calmly asks
"where are you going?" "kansas city." "they couldn't get you on the 8:35?" "they said it was booked." "i've got one seat here." "do it."
-with newfound optimism, i wait in line to check in again, and fight my way back through security and all the way back to terminal c. a mere 4 gates from where i landed 5 hours earlier.
the good news is, i made it to KC. and of course the two seats in front of me were empty on the flight. oh, and also the kid sitting in seat d on my row threw up all over himself. but, i made it.
and what does united leave me with for compensation?
that's right a FIVE DOLLAR dinner voucher! in CHICAGO!
fuckers.
yet, like anyone in an abusive relationship, i shall continue to fly united because they give me lots of miles and promises of good times and kittens and all that other malarkey.
i'm so glad i'm driving home.
***WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS PROFANITY*** (sorry mom)
after today, i have to update my list of the worst airports in america. so here's the new top 5:
1) chicago o'hare
2) chicago o'hare
3) chicago o'hare
4) dallas/ft. worth
5) chicago o'hare
I HATE FUCKING O'HARE! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
and the only thing worse than flying through o'hare is flying through o'hare on united. today was no exception.
after a peaceful and flawless flight from boston, we landed through crystal clear summer skies in the windy city. "fantastic." i thought. "no weather delays." i hiked the 18 1/4 miles from terminal c to terminal f (a trek i've learned to hate and to accept when flying united express) and made it with just enough time to board. oh, but we didn't board.
"ladies and gentlemen traveling to kansas city. there is a slight problem with the jet bridge attached to your aircraft. we're working on it and apologize for the delay."
"so, what's a slight delay?" i thought. i'd certainly experienced worse here in the ninth circle of hell that is o'hare.
the following events happened at a rate that made me lose track of time, so here is the summary.
-the delay gets pushed back twice. finally, we're given the ultimatum of "one hour" for them to decide whether this particular airplane could leave or not. (what the airplane's condition had to do with the jet bridge, was never fully realized.)
-while still in the "one hour" wait, and during a particular ripping game of cellular solitaire, my phone rings. i answer. a computerized voice tells me that my flight has been cancelled. but, i have been "successfully rebooked" on the 10:45 am flight automatically tomorrow morning. "hooray! i've been successfully rebooked...WAIT A SECOND!"
-fighting a postal snap, i head to customer service only to find no help in the form of one phone representative and two counter reps. assuring me they can do nothing, all the while booking everyone else around me onto american flights leaving later tonight. i literally pounded my head against the counter and asked if a bribe would work?
-after exhausting my pleas and threats, and after enduring a mind-numbingly irradic printer, i hang my head in defeat and make my way through security and toward the free shtuttle that would take me to my lovely (i'm sure) holiday inn express room.
-armed with a handful of vouchers (which i'll get to) i decided to call one more time to see if i could get some compensation out of this mess. 5,000 miles is NOT too much to ask in this case.
-alone, tired, hungry and now in the baggage claim i finally get through. i blow up at the lady on the other end. she let's me vent, then calmly asks
"where are you going?" "kansas city." "they couldn't get you on the 8:35?" "they said it was booked." "i've got one seat here." "do it."
-with newfound optimism, i wait in line to check in again, and fight my way back through security and all the way back to terminal c. a mere 4 gates from where i landed 5 hours earlier.
the good news is, i made it to KC. and of course the two seats in front of me were empty on the flight. oh, and also the kid sitting in seat d on my row threw up all over himself. but, i made it.
and what does united leave me with for compensation?
that's right a FIVE DOLLAR dinner voucher! in CHICAGO!
fuckers.
yet, like anyone in an abusive relationship, i shall continue to fly united because they give me lots of miles and promises of good times and kittens and all that other malarkey.
i'm so glad i'm driving home.
posted by cade at 10:28 PM
12 Comments:
Remind me never to travel with you.
I'm glad you finally made it home.
try flying to Peru with him some time ;)
i nominae this post as favorite-of-the-month... seriously... it has everything... smooth beginings, unexpected turmoil, drama, desperation, anger, stupid people, machines that want to rule the world, more stupid people, painful irony, useless food vouchers, more stupid people and throw up... it has "Academy Award" written all over it!
two thumbs way up...
I think flying with Cade would be a fun experience. Cade, do NOT watch "Airline" on A&E on Monday nights. I'm afraid you'll have an aneurysm.
thanks guys.
krista- i would never watch it. although it's about southwest right? say what you will about the cattle-call craziness. they do customer service right on the whole.
Dude, I would totally fly with Cade in a heartbeat. All i have to say is the companionship of a good friend and comedy, would be well worth it.
Cade, remind me not to pick you as my partner on The Amazing Race.
becky- are you crazy. i make perfect drama. lots of camera time. and i ALWAYS get where i need to get.
don't rush to judgment.
alright, but you have to eat the gross food.
I would pay to see Cade and Bex on the amazing race... in fact... I think you two should apply...
seriously, I don't know much about you yet, Becky, but Cade has done so much traveling it's right down his alley...
Yeah Southwest. I just like watching the drunk people being told they can't fly because they have had too much to drink. Oh and there was that guy in the tiger suit who was flying...
After a couple of years of flawless travel with you, e, I knew “Fun with Cade in Airports” had converted to “Fun with Renegade in Airports”. After seeing your blog, I have decided it has merely expanded to “Fun with Cade and Renegade…..”
On Monday, my trip to DC began at 3:30 pm in Tallahassee, via Atlanta. I settle into my upgraded First Class window seat as we pull back from the jet way and immediately park with the explanation of a 30 minute weather delay. Two hours later, I am witness to someone from coach yelling at the captain to let him off. The captain, unable to negotiate with “the people on the ground”, throws open the door to the cabin and yells at a baggage handler to bring him a staircase. They roll up the stairs, escort “Mr. Coach” off the plane and the captain invites anyone else who has alternate travel plans to leave. Sounds like a threat.
At this point I know I have missed my connection and call the Delta Medallion desk to see what special treatment they have provided me in rebooking me on the next flight. Delta has come through by rebooking me on the next flight to DC at 1:45 pm on TUESDAY!!! Yes, they know I was parked in Tallahassee, attempting to go to Atlanta, only to get stuck there until the following afternoon with no luggage. I am so special with my Medallion status. How do the little people live?
I join Mr. Coach and deplane, head to baggage claim to have my bag removed from the plane and also wait at the ticket counter to make certain they note I got off the plane and clear me for flight the next day. Alas, the plane left with my suitcase but Delta offers to keep it in DC so I can meet up with it Tuesday afternoon.
This is where the real Cade fun starts so I will try to be brief….
Tuesday I attempt to check in at the kiosk only to find I can’t. I go to “the phones” only to find I can’t board …why?
“Because you are already in flight”
“Do I sound like I am already in flight? I got off that plane yesterday because you cancelled my connections. I’m back to start again today.”
“Your bag must go with you”
“You already have my bag. I tried to keep it with me and you took it. I now would like to join my bag, hopefully waiting for me in DC.”
Ok, fast forward to Atlanta, I have now settled into my downgraded middle seat in row 35 only to hear of a 30 minute weather delay. After which we pull out and get in line behind an estimated 25 other planes, Forty five minutes later we are pulled out of line, park behind a construction zone and handed water, pretzels and headsets. Headsets? The flight is only an hour. They have started a movie…bad sign…no, it gets worse…the movie is iRobots. My sanity is salvaged only by the new songs on my iPod, (thanks, e).
I arrive in DC, my bag is there, good. My hotel room cancelled, bad. I eventually negotiate my way to the general manager who trades some rooms around to get me a room at another hotel . I think it was the wild eyed look I gave him when I told him I was supposed to be here yesterday and my bag came without me.
Fast forward again to leaving DCA the next evening. This time direct flight to Atlanta, no connections. I get off after circling for 45 minutes. No bag. WHAT? How do they lose a bag on a direct flight? My bag never shows up that evening. I’ll spare you the details now about wearing the same suit for two days, combing my hair with a $.59 men’s comb and getting creative with shampoo, lotion and face powder.
The next day check in, same drill, I don’t exist in Delta’s system. Can’t get a boarding pass once again. I finally tell the phone agent, “ I am not standing in another line, I am not still on a plane in Tallahassee and I have no bag. You made certain of that and now I just want to go back to Tallahassee where this nightmare began.” Silence, music, music, “Passenger Morris, Tallahassee”. I’m in!
I finally get on the plane, we dodge storms, land and I make my way home. My husband looks at me and says, “Hmmm, bad hair day today?” He is lucky to be alive. I still don’t have my bag.
e, I think we would make the perfect team on a new reality show called Surviving the Amazing Race of Business Travel. We would make great TV and I now know I can live for several days out of the contents of my briefcase. Save your meal vouchers in case we go through O’Hare!!! See you in a week in San Diego….I hope!!
thanks so much, ms renagade. i'm so glad to know that i share not only travel experiences with my teammates, but i also rub a little "luck" off on them as well.
thanks for sharing and i deeply deeply apologize.
see ya soon. (airline craziness pending, of course.)
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