L-M-freakin-A-O!

in lieu of a description on today's events in boston, i will just list some of the headlines and captions:

"Suspicious packages cause alarm in Boston"

"Sullivan Square object neutralized"

"Police are investigating another suspicious incident at Fenway Park"



"Bomb squad removes suspicious object that closed I-93 north"

"Breaking News: Suspicious Devices Believed To Be A Hoax"

"Boston devices were cartoon marketing ploy"

"A Massachusetts State Police Bomb Squad officer removed a "Mooninite," from a support column of the Monsignor McGrath Highway."


"Suspicious packages part of Turner Broadcasting marketing campaign"







that's right. the mass state police "neutralized" ignignokt...from the adult swim cartoon aqua teen hunger force...a perenial favorite here at the annex.

in short, the city of boston was shut down today because of...an ad campaign. one that has been running in several american cities for WEEKS.

i will leave the comments to truly try and capture the enormity of this hysterical event.

wow.

and so it goes

barbaro's gallant fight has come to an end.

story

it's ok if you wish to weep. i know gentry will. be strong my friends. be strong.

currently in the "cracking my ass up" file:

how did i miss this?

usually i am all over it when something comes out that blatantly rips off something else.

it's only a big deal to me, so i expect no comiseration, but i have to be true to myself:




that's all.

"crazy magnet" files - gotta love this place

just another day at your local record store

THE SCENE: store owner talks to one customer at the register about the band super furry animals while another (incidentally, the undisputed "regular" of regulars) flips through a nearby rack pondering the albums of heart.

THE INCITING ACTION: a third customer walks in as if from a major windstorm. white hair flowing in every conceivable direction, look of utter confusion firmly platered on his face. we will call him...

customer #000504 - "Doc Brown"

THE INTERACTION:

owner: - how's it going?

doc brown - so, is everything used here?

owner: - yep.

doc brown - do you have blues?

owner: - well, not really a section, but...

doc brown - figures.

"doc brown" exits. presumably forever.

owner - ...there are...a...few...huh.

customer #1 - i guess he could read your mind.

owner - i wonder if he can read it now?

jerry - does this have "the barracuda" on it?

THE END

an open letter to the lady who sat behind me during the departed

dear lady,

i am writing to express my sadness that you chose to vocalize your disapproval of each and every violent scene in the departed. while i can certainly respect your discomfort at these images, i have to say that your repetitive noises and grunts of disgust got old...fast.

it's a martin scorcese film. know that going into it. if you are bothered by violence, go see happy feet.

regards

cade


and while we are on the topic, hollywood hits played maybe the worst song i have ever heard before the movie. worse than that terrible "bad day" song. worse than this atrocity. i may even go as far as to say, worse than "drops of jupiter."

sidenote: let me say i think that mainstream country is pretty awful. it's the musical equivalent of those "ernest goes to..." movies. just pointless and stupid. if you like it, whatever. but you should know that you are filling your lives with garbage.

the song was "rising artist" shawn christopher's "little things." i would post a sample of the lyrics here, but the song is apparently SO bad that it cannot be found on the internet. anywhere.

just trust me, it's awful.

the perfect storm

tonight, i will navigate one of the more difficult line-ups in the history of television. it will be a focused trek that will be at times dangerous, at times euphoric and never for the faint of heart.

the expedition lays out thusly:

SUPPLIES:
-one (1) toshiba 25" color television; cable ready
-one (1) sony vaio laptop; wireless internet compatible
-one (1) samsung SPH-A470 mobile telephone
-one (1) sony vaio desktop; giga pocket enabled (optional)
-assortment of snacks and drinks

ACCOMPLICES:
-agent ahbahsean
-agent wilcox (pending)
-jack bauer

PLAN OF ATTACK:

at 8 pm (est) sharp, tune the toshiba to local cable channel number 7 for the 64th annual golden globe awards. use mobile phone to call agent ahbahsean to go over the plan. set the channel "recall" setting to local cable channel 13 where the second of two premiere episodes of 24 is beginning.

during first hour of said programs, flip between them as needed; relying heavily on ahbahsean's expertise and play-by-play of agent bauer saving the world and generally kicking terrorist ass. power up the laptop and the desktop.

before 9 pm, open the giga pocket application on desktop and set it to local cable channel 7, mirroring (at times) the television in the other room. launch browser on laptop and navigate to "www.australianopen.com."

wait and pray.

9 pm (est) - zero hour. turn primary channel on television to local channel 49 (bypassing gay straight or taken on lifetime) and prepare for game number one of the 2007 college basketball "border showdown" between the university of kansas jayhawks and the university of missouri tigers. reset "recall" function from 24 to the globes. giga pocket is tuned up one channel to espn2 for coverage of first-round action at the 2007 australian open tennis tournament. agent ahbahsean continues to secretly funnel information regarding the fate of the world via the mobile phone. play begins in melbourne, australia. tennis tracker is firmly in place on the laptop.

sensory overload begins.

after a white knuckle hour that i wouldn't wish on anyone, 24 ends with an explosion or a dead terrorist or a stare of disbelief from jack bauer....or all of the above.

halftime of the basketball game will provide unhindered access to the golden globes, but only for a brief period of time. at roughly 10:15 pm (est) focus is returned to the game. tennis tracker is monitored, the globes are checked in on and agent wilcox makes a probable appearance to offer support.

at roughly 11 pm, the golden globes taper off and the game (barring overtime) winds down with a jayhawk victory. heart rate returns to normal. and the television finds its ultimate home for the journey on espn2 with a match between raphael nadal and some guy i've never heard of.

time that tennis is turned off: TBA



lord, give me strength and have mercy on my soul.

let's see...

hordes of untalented and clueless auditionees....check.

three judges, including a snarky, outspoken brit...check.

annoying, los angeles based "commentator" that gets to the bottom of the auditionees' personal human-interest stories...check.

an ultimate product that no one asked for, but will somehow create all kinds of buzz and be inexplicably successful...check.

CONGRATULATIONS NBC, you now have your very own american idol clone.



i had to give grease: you're the one that i want a shot. but, that's all it got. i won't see the musical when it opens this summer, and i sure as applesauce won't watch another episode of this hack show.

i don't care how compelling the potential of romance at "grease academy" is...i'm out.