always double check your work

some of you may know that i have recently starting courting a part-time job with this online service provider. i am currently in the training stages. here is the rundown of how it works:

-as a guide, i choose categories of interest to me to add to my profile. (these categories link me to searches so that people who are searching for information can use me to help them find it.)

-i have to be certified in each category before i can move on to the next level (the "job" part.)

-i chose the following introductory categories:
-80's music
-ncaa basketball
-films

now, i should explain to you how you come to choose a category. you do one of two things. you a) browse through the lists and lists of general categories and narrow down until you find the one you like. or b) type a keyword into the database and it brings up a list of recent searches and you narrow it down through sub-categories until you have the one you want. for some odd reason, i couldn't find the ones i wanted in "a" so i chose "b".

to date, i have had 14 training searches for "80's music," 8 for "ncaa basketball," and 0 for "films." this struck me as weird and a little annoying since i can't move on until i get a certain number in all three categories.

this morning i got my first training search for "films." it was an eye-opening experience. the chat went something like this:

(keep in mind that while i am training, the "seekers" are other guides who are acting as the general public...)

(italics denote my internal monologue)

ME: hello, i will be helping you with your search today. what can i find for you?
SEEKER: um, yeah. i was wondering about snuff films
ME: (what the hell?) ok, what would you like to know about snuff films?
SEEKER: aren't they like underground XXX movies?
ME: i think so, i know that they have to deal with real deaths. not sure about the XXX part. would you like me to find out for you?
SEEKER: can i ask you a question?
ME: (where is this going? it must be a test to see if i report the seeker or not. ok. prepare.) sure.
SEEKER: what made you choose this? are you like really interested in it or something?
ME: (wtf?) in snuff films?
SEEKER: yeah. i mean it's cool if you are, it's just a little strange for a keyword.
ME: is THAT what my keyword showed up as? here it is just "films."
SEEKER: no. it says "snuff films."
ME: (are you frickin' kidding me?!) hmmm. i was wondering why i hadn't gotten any searches.
SEEKER: so you thought it was just "films."
ME: yep. that's what it says here.
SEEKER: lol!
ME: wow, i guess i need to go change that, huh?
SEEKER: that is hysterical.
ME: well, is there anything ELSE i can help you find while you're here?
SEEKER: um, how about the films from sundance.
ME: ok, give me a minute.
SEEKER: dude, i hope i didn't come across as a perve, but i really thought you were one. lol.
ME: ha! no worries here.
SEEKER: i am laughing so hard right now.
ME: me too. i guess this is one i will remember for a while.
SEEKER: i know. i will NEVER forget it...or your name.
ME: oh great, now i'm gonna be the new "perve" on the block.
SEEKER: wow!
ME: well, i should go change my keyword...as much fun as this has been.
SEEKER: ok. you have a good day.
ME: you too. thanks.

so now, my keywords read as follows:
-80's music
-ncaa basketball
-ebay

always check your work, kids. you never know when it may turn you into a pervert.

who needs coffee when you have jackhammers?

dear massachusetts gubernatorial candidates:

i am writing to query your plans for work on our hallowed streets here in the commonwealth. namely, i just want to find out which of you has the balls to fix these awful death traps you call roads.

more to the point, if you can see to it that the ONE ROAD in beverly that DOESN'T need to be repaired (ie. judson street, just behind the cabot cinema) isn't torn up, causing me to be awakened far earlier than i like...on my day off...by the police, to move my car from one of the few precious spaces we DO have, i will vote for you.

no other questions asked.

thanks

-citizen

post #1 (ammended):

why the new york mets st. louis cardinals will win the world series

1) simply put, in july of 2004, i attended a red sox game at fenway park. in october, they won the world series. in june of 2005, i attended a white sox game at new comiskey. in october THEY won the world series. in april july of 2006, i attended a mets cards game at shea busch....this is an obvious trend.

(i realize that some of you may point out the error in my logic by reminding me that i also saw a cardinals mets game at new busch shea in july april of this year. so i will offer more evidence.)

2) 2004: champion red sox' center fielder is former royal, johnny damon. 2005: champion white sox' right fielder (and world series MVP) is former royal, jermaine dye. 2006: mets' center fielder cardinal's pitcher (and future world series MVP) is former royal, carlos beltran jeff suppan...again, the trend cannot be ignored.

3) the last two teams to knock the mets cardinals out of the post season, the yankees astros and the braves red sox, are no longer a threat...start chilling the champagne.

4) because a team that i like have heard of HAS to win something someday. the failure just can't continue.

5) 20 24 years, baby. 20 24 years.

6) just to piss off gentry yours truly.


discuss.


note to author: damnit.

i love food

i feel i should write something. if for no other reason than to get the hideousness that is jacko off the top of my blog.

I don't know what to write.

as i've heard mentioned, i guess i should just "write what i know."

okay. i know food. so, here are the top 5 (in no particular order) best foods of all time:

- pizza (preferably cheese in my case, but there are other good variations)

- thanksgiving. turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy. you get the point.

- peanut butter and jelly sandwich

- mac and cheese

- ice cream

as you can see, i don't need no fancy food.

if i've said it once...

...i've said it a thousand times.



youtube is the best invention since google earth.

the baseball playoffs are in full swing and that means one thing...

....tonight is midnight madness.*



IT"S COLLEGE BASKETBALL SEASON!!





* - i will always refer to the first official day of practice as "midnight madness" despite the fact that some braniac decided that midnight was "too late" and the official start of the season was moved up to and earlier time. lame. the season is SUPPOSED to start at 12:01am tomorrow, allowing the players and fans to enjoy an official scrimmage at midnight. at kansas, we had "late night with roy" until the traitor jumped ship. now, we have "late night in the phog" which is cool except for the fact that it is done by 9:30. as i said. lame.

rock chalk.

two posts for the price of one

post #1: why the new york mets will win the world series

1) simply put, in july of 2004, i attended a red sox game at fenway park. in october, they won the world series. in june of 2005, i attended a white sox game at new comiskey. in october THEY won the world series. in april of 2006, i attended a mets game at shea....this is an obvious trend.

(i realize that some of you may point out the error in my logic by reminding me that i also saw a cardinals game at new busch in july of this year. so i will offer more evidence.)

2) 2004: champion red sox' center fielder is former royal, johnny damon. 2005: champion white sox' right fielder (and world series MVP) is former royal jermaine dye. 2006: mets' center fielder (and future world series MVP) is former royal carlos beltran...again, the trend cannot be ignored.

3) the last two teams to knock the mets out of the post season, the yankees and the braves (lmao at both), are no longer a threat...start chilling the champagne.

4) because a team that i like HAS to win something someday. the failure just can't continue. (see this reason also in "reasons the mets WON'T win the world series.)

5) 20 years, baby. 20 years.

6) just to piss off gentry.


discuss.

post #2: welcome to norfolk, nebraska

upon my arrival at the lovely holiday inn express in norfolk this weekend, i was greeted with a gift bag in my room. apparently, the fact that i have stayed there the last 5 years has garnered me some favor. which is surprising.

below is a picture of the contents of said gift bag:



contents: (clockwise from top left) my key envelope, a "does not play nice with others" postcard, dorothy lynch salad dressing, a night light, baby wipes travel pack, a madison county visitors guide, ford keychain, a packet of chai tea, a luggage name tag and a package of microwave popcorn. (not pictured: the twix bar that was eaten immediately upon arrival after 16 hour travel day.)

they are so good to me. i mean who doesn't need a travel-sized bottle of dorothy lynch for those little emergency moments?

sad day: a tribute

there is a man. revered in some circles. beloved in others. unknown in most. to those who did know him, he was simply known as "buck."

john "buck" o'neil died yesterday. at the age of 94. this is a sad day for the city of kansas city. and it is a sad day for the sport he loved and came to embody...baseball.



buck's career in baseball spanned 7 decades. he was a player, a coach, a scout and an ambassador.

he began playing in memphis in the newly-formed negro leagues in 1937. a year later he was traded to the kansas city monarchs where he would stay (serving as first baseman and, eventually, manager) until 1955. after his stint in KC, he went on to become a scout for the chicago cubs. a position that led, in 1962, to him being named a coach...the first black coach in the major leagues.

in 1988, he returned to kansas city as a scout for the royals. shortly thereafter, he helped lead the charge to create a museum dedicated solely to the players and teams that made up the negro leagues. the museum opened in 1990 and found it's new home in kansas city's historic 18th & vine district in 1994. buck continued to work as honorary chairman until his death.

most recently, (this summer in fact) buck played in the northern league all-star game as a member of the kansas city t-bones minor league team. he was intentionally walked.

throughout his life and career, buck has arguably been the most vocal advocate of the preservation of the historic negro league. his book, i was right on time chronicles his days in the game amidst his fellow players trying to break into the white-only majors. he served on the hall of fame veteran's committee for 19 years where he had a hand in electing 8 negro league players to the hall. o'neil himself was nominated a few years ago but has yet to be inducted.

on a personal level, i had the honor of meeting and talking with him on several occassions. he was "MR kansas city." you would run into him at stores, restaurants and always ALWAYS out at the ballpark. known in KC for all i have mentioned above, it was his stories that made him beloved. he was absolutely LEGENDARY for his storytelling. he could tell stories for hours and never lose an ounce of enthusiasm for the game he loved. stories of playing with greats like satchel paige and jackie robinson. stories of segregation. stories of triumph of human spirit. he was quite simply one of the more amazing human beings i have ever had the pleasure to run across.

he WAS baseball. in it's truest and purest form.

he was up for nomination to the baseball hall of fame recently. he fell short by one vote. and though he put up solid career numbers, it is possible that he may not have had the whole package needed to earn him a ticket to cooperstown. i would argue that his work off the field should tell us otherwise. he'll make it in...but, it would have been something special for him to actually be there.

either way, buck himself had this to say in his hall of fame key note speech earlier this year:

God's been good to me. They didn't think Buck was good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. That's the way they thought about it and that's the way it is, so we're going to live with that. Now, if I'm a Hall of Famer for you, that's all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck. Don't weep for Buck. No, man, be happy, be thankful.

ok, buck. i can do that. thank you.

you will be missed.

more "cade factor" goodness

not quite worthy of a "fun with cade in airports" post...but still notable.

there's a fun thing that happens when you book through orbitz.com.

it's called "orbitz TLC" and it is, quite frankly, useless most of the time. it may come in handy if a flight you booked is delayed or cancelled or something, but otherwise it's pointless.

the great thing about orbitz TLC is that it is optional. so for those (like me) who don't want to be bothered by it...we don't have to be.

now, when someone ELSE books a flight for you on orbitz...the website retains your account info anyway and acts accordingly. you can see where this leads.

imagine, if you will, someone else books you a 6 am flight. knowing full well that you should be on the road by 4 or so to assure a smooth trip through security (with shampoo and toothpaste placed appropriately in a ziploc bag, of course) in enough time, you decided that a "good" time to get up is 3:30. ASSUMING you actually go to bed (i didn't. until about a "nap" around 2:45), you would then be very surprised to be awoken at 3 by your ringing cell phone.

the following thought process should go through your mind:

"888 number? it must be the airline calling. sweet, my flight must be delayed or something. another hour's sleep would rule."

'til you are greeted with this:

"hello. this is a orbitz TLC call to inform you of your flight status...(long pause)...your flight.......united.....flight....2.....5....1.....9 ............. departing........BOston ........at ..........6...am .............TO ........chiCAgo.........o'hare .....is ..........on time...."

*click*

bastards.

was it worth the useless call to tell me that my flight was on time? was it worth that 1/2 hour sleep i won't get back (and at present am REALLY feeling)?

i think not.


on a positive note, today DID result in a free flight voucher and an entire day's flight in first class. courtesy of united airlines. it almost makes the 36+ hours of being awake worth it.

of course the subsequent 6 hour drive to nebraska kinda took the wind out of the sails....

paris watch '06

as always, keeping you in the loupe-du-paris.

today's installment: paris (allegedly) dukes it out with former miss usa/playboy playmate/reality "star" shanna moakler over moakler's ex, blink 182's drummer, travis barker.

he would be lucky to have either one of them.

article

theatre review: high fidelity

aka: rob gordon, is that you?

on the 7th night of its pre-broadway, preview run here in boston, high fidelity is off to a promising and surprising start.

i say "surprising" because (as many of you know) i was a little more than skeptical about this particular adaptation of nick hornby's hilarious and soulful novel. yet, once i allowed my guard to be lowered, i found myself not only enjoying it, but occassionaly tapping my foot and *gulp* smiling.

the music: though there were a few songs that i didn't particularly care for, i found that i liked most of the offerings. lyrically, a lot of the wit of the source material was present...but perhaps lost in the translation to the new medium (but i can only hope that this will mature as the preview process moves forward). that said. there were definitely some "only-on-broadway" moments. though none too cringe-worthy in my opinion. of particular enjoyment were the numbers "i have a chance," "it's no problem" and "if i could be like 'the boss'" (note: since this production is in previews, an official song listing was not given. the previous titles are purely guesses on my part. *) i thought the music worked. it was never over the top cheesy and at times was even catchy.

the peformers: will chase (as rob) is a talented performer, no doubt. he is a gifted singer and showed to be a solid actor. he is, however, NOT rob gordon. at least not the rob gordon i know. he was a bit too soft and a bit too, dare i say, likeable. again, talented? yes. right for rob? not exactly. jenn colella (as laura) not only held her own, but flirted with outshining her counterparts on many occassions. jay klaitz (as barry) was very good but perhaps a little TOO jack black-ish. in fact, many of the mannerisms he gave barry derived directly from black's character in the movie version. i have no doubt that klaitz could have made barry his own with no problem and been at least as, if not more, successful. but it was christian anderson (as dick) who shone above the rest. who would have guessed that? not me. his "it's no problem" was outstanding. understated and powerful. the kind of performance that wins over an audience every time. the supporting cast (as is usually the case in broadway (or soon to be broadway) shows) was great.

the set: multi-functional. well dressed. technologically complex. like a beautiful, complicated puzzle moving us (repeatedly) precisely where we needed to be.

the story: held true for the most part. with only slight modifications to appease the "new york" crowd (it's set in the big apple instead of chicago or london) and the "romantic comedy" crowd (barry and liz? really?). there were also multiple characters (ian and liz for example) that were given more of a role while others (charlie...sad) were given less. the scene in which rob and laura get back together (note: possible spoiler in that previous sentence) was of particular disappoint. the classic rain-drenched-grief-avoidance-sex-in-the-car was replaced by the more PG you're-wonderful-no-YOU'RE-wonderful-duet. this was as close to a low moment as i found in the entire show.

the rest: speaking of PG-ing something, this was a concern of mine going in. i'm happy to say that the show's R rating was left in tact and (though not as edgy as could have been) rightfully appropriate. and despite the updating (both radiohead AND coldplay were mentioned -- see my post below about the "relevant bug") the music references were adequate. there were a good number of laugh out loud moments. and there was new stuff that's not in the book or the movie; most of which (the purist in me be damned) worked just fine.

all in all, it was an adaptation of the source; not a direct copy. it wasn't the book. it wasn't the movie. and for this reason, i believe it was successful. i give it a solid B. and anyone who knows my scale, knows a B means "i didn't hate it."

and that's pretty good.

besides, i knew the moment they started with an announcement to "turn off your fucking cell phones" that the night was not going to be a complete loss.



*- EDIT: actual titles: "nine percent chance," "it's no problem" and "goodbye and good luck" respectively.

top 5, all-time, desert island...

...reasons to be apprehensive about going (with this guy) to see "high fidelity: the musical" tonight:



5) i can see the song titles in my head already: "top five" "the perfect mix tape" "the ballad of dick and anna" "sonic death monkey" * and they're not good.

4) i've never heard of the composers. could mean nothing, but i'm a pessimist.

3) the actors (in general) have their work cut out for them. while rob and laura are pretty straight forward, barry has the very real potential of being a neutered version of what he should be. it is my understanding that charlie and marie are played by the same actress. this needs some serious explaining.

2) the dreaded "relevant-bug." the book is british and relishes in 70's and 80's modern rock/pop-culture references. the movie is american and relishes 70's, 80's and early 90's modern rock/pop-culture references. either of these two scenarios is acceptable...as long as ONE of them is present. any mention of contemporaries like radiohead or (as much as mr. gentry and i disagree about the band) coldplay will be met with hostility.

any reference to nickelback will cause the theatre to combust.

1) simply, it's based on one of my favorite movies of all time. the movie is based on one of my favorite books of all time. neither the movie nor the book...is a musical. the margin for error is huge.

so help me, i PRAY that this thing has even the slightest bit of wit and creativity about it.

if it's a train wreck, i fear i may be too sad to console. yet, i have absolutely NO preconception that it will be any good whatsoever...so maybe i'll be pleasantly surprised. but my gut tells me to be worried.**

one thing is for sure. if it's terrible, i will at least have the entertainment value of watching gentry "boo" the living piss out of it.




*- not actual titles...to my knowledge.

**- "i've been thinking with my guts since i was fourteen years old, and frankly speaking, between you and me, i have come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."

please...stab me in the eye

weekend box office results:

1) open season - (starring asthon kutcher) $23 million

2) the guardian - (starring asthon kutcher) $17.7 million


so many things wrong. so many things.