the magic roommate strikes again

DISCLAIMER: CADE, IN NO WAY, WISHES TO "STEAL THUNDER" OR DETRACT IN ANY OTHER WAY FROM ANYONE DIRECTLY INVOLVED WITH THE FOLLOWING STORY. HE JUST FINDS IT FUNNY.

by summer 1997, i had had a total of 8 roommates. that summer, a number of us were fortunate enough to attend the wedding of one of those roomies in the beautiful, lush hills of auburn, california. dan (roommate #7) and christy married in a lovely outdoor affair, and a tradition was born.

the tradition of my roommates getting married.

now, anyone who knows me and my current, immediate circle of friends knows exactly where this is going. if that's the case, hang with me and play dumb. if you don't know, just follow along. either way, it's worth continuing.

two years later, in 1999, all matrimonial hell broke loose. i was invited to 18 weddings and was a part of a personal best 6 wedding parties. including, but certainly not limited to roommates dave (#1) and brian (#9.) a year later, in similar, if not lighter fashion, the good doctor (#6) and grommetron (#11) continued the unmistakable trend and took the plunge. apparently, i was a good roommate to have if you wanted to meet and marry the girl of your dreams. i was the magic roommate.

well, maybe it was a little early to make that assertion given that only 5 of my 11 roommates (not quite a majority) were married, but it was a sound theory and the examples only continued to roll in.

the donald (#10)
broms (#2)
brende (#8)

now we have some serious proof. 8 out of 11 roommates married. i was good to have around apparently. so, when bruiser (#5) and i decided to get a place when i moved back to KC in 2000 i warned him, "you know dude, this will be the third time we've lived together. you're gonna be in serious trouble." "what are you talking about?" queried the bruiser. "i am the magic roommate. you're in danger of falling in love and getting married." "you're nuts. i'm not even dating anyone right now."

a year later, we waved bruce and his new bride goodbye and i was looking for a new apartment.

fast forward through 3 years of living on my own and a phone call from mr. wilcox asking if i "moved to beverly, would i mind having a roommate?" "heck, no. let's make this happen."

so, when cade first met arthur, one of the first pleasantries disclosed was this "magic roommate" theory. i warned him. he warned me of a similar theory he possessed. we had a laugh.

of course, unless you are completely dense, or just haven't seen this yet, you know the outcome of this little yarn. the magic roommate theory has been scientifically proven. the latest experiment took a little over 16 months. and it passed with flying colors.

congrats art (#12) and leanne. God bless you both in this endeavor.

we interupt this blog to bring you the apocalypse.

simple recipe for an exciting week

step 1: open record store (check)

step 2: acquire box of vinyl LPs from local resident for $30 (check)

step 3: purchase one copy of "goldmine: record album price guide" from your friendly neighborhood amazon.com (check)

step 4: sort through existing vinyl LPs (including aforementioned box) repricing, as necessary, according to "goldmine: record album price guide" (check)

step 5: discover seemingly ordinary KISS record that may or may not be worth a good deal more than $100 (check)

step 6: confirm authenticity of step 5 (check)

step 7: act giddy and joyous (check)

step 8: place said KISS album on friendly neighborhood ebay.com (check)

step 9: watch the dollars roll in (check)

ten things i hate....all-time movie edition

alright, so distract me from the ever-pressing financial woes i have thrown myself into, i have decided to train my mind on when it's happiest....complaining about mundane and worthless things. (possible spoilers, but who cares with these turds.)

so i give you, the 10 movies that currently top my "all-time hate" list. enjoy:

nurse betty (2000) - the beginning of my long standing hate-affair with ms. renee zellweger. this movie road trips through the desert into unsympathetic delusion at a pace so slow that it literally feels like a road trip through the desert.

twister (1996) - helen hunt (bad actor) and bill paxton (worse actor) costar with a flying cow in this super-weather extravaganza. the first in a long string of "special effects over story or character" movies that has made us all collectively dumber. also, jan de bont directed it. unforgivable.

the forgotten (2004) - this was a fine, interesting psychological thriller....right up to the point the aliens showed up. a movie that struggles to find an identity almost as much as it struggles to tell a coherent story.

pay it forward (2000) - here, helen does a better job of acting, but it hardly saves this overambitious sapfest. if only we could all see the world like that idealistic little kid from a.i. does...too bad he dies in the end.

the omega code (1999) - "the film is an effort of the trinity broadcasting network to provide an alternative to hollywood's standard on-screen fare. TBN founder paul crouch and his son matt produced the film, which features an apocalyptic plot, lots of explosions, and prophets who quote scripture. " -- layman.org

enough said.

look who's talking now! (1993) - the scapegoat on which i heap all of my blame for the first two look who's talking installments. talking baby = kinda funny at first. two talking babies = a little annoying. talking dogs = downright insulting.

the neverending story II: the next chapter (1990) - the story apparently SHOULD have ended. i loved the first movie as a kid. the second one made me very, very sad.

from justin to kelly (2003) - alright i didn't actually see this, but i'm gonna wager a guess that i would have HATED it.

follow that bird (1985) - a vhs copy of this sesame street classic and an emotionally crippling adolescent experience. junior high was a tough time for everyone. big bird made it impossible for me.

jurassic park (1993) - ooh look, the dinosaurs are INCREDIBLY realistic. can i go home now?

HONORABLE MENTION

speed (1994) - keanu is too easy a target. so i will refrain. the real question is: is there nothing stopping this man?


it's pat (1994) - come on! SO unnecessary.

for the first time since january 17, 1994 (an event personally witnessed by at least 3 readers of this blog), the university of kansas men's basketball team lost a game to the wildcats of kansas state. the 31-game domination came to a "thudding" end today as k-state topped the hapless jayhawks 59-55...IN LAWRENCE!

my soul hurts.

randomness abounds

-most of you know that i hate celebrity gossip, but as this is less 'celebrity gossip' and more 'a stubborn dear friend who won't return my numerous phone calls' kind of situation, it warrants attention. i wonder how much longer they can say they are NOT in a relationship now that baby is on the way? interesting.

-"rex-kwan-do" stopped me for the 6th time outside of dunkin' donuts today to offer me a free karate lesson. not sure how he doesn't recognize me as the guy who tells him to "shove it" by now, but oh well. maybe next time i should take him up on it. could be a fun little experiment.

-there are far too many movies that i need to see before the oscars. far too many.

-i'm feeling particularly introspective lately. like there is a ton of stuff i need to get out, but can't. maybe i should just start typing. but, then again, that takes motivation and that is a rare commodity at the moment.

-i would never EVER besmirch the memory of jim henson, but watching fraggle rock: the complete first season (a GREAT christmas gift, btw) i have sadly realized just how annoying the show can be. the muppet show it ain't.

-i still do not like the fact that it is 2006. that means we are closer to 2010 than to 2000. i am not prepared to be that far along in human history.

-that's it.

on more thought on mexico

and by thought, i mean "video of a donkey and an airplane co-existing mere inches from disaster."

enjoy

i suggest downloading it (right click, "save link as") to watch it uninterupted.

it's grainy and loud. but it's better than the 12MB alternative.