ten things i hate....all-time movie edition
alright, so distract me from the ever-pressing financial woes i have thrown myself into, i have decided to train my mind on when it's happiest....complaining about mundane and worthless things. (possible spoilers, but who cares with these turds.)
so i give you, the 10 movies that currently top my "all-time hate" list. enjoy:
nurse betty (2000) - the beginning of my long standing hate-affair with ms. renee zellweger. this movie road trips through the desert into unsympathetic delusion at a pace so slow that it literally feels like a road trip through the desert.
twister (1996) - helen hunt (bad actor) and bill paxton (worse actor) costar with a flying cow in this super-weather extravaganza. the first in a long string of "special effects over story or character" movies that has made us all collectively dumber. also, jan de bont directed it. unforgivable.
the forgotten (2004) - this was a fine, interesting psychological thriller....right up to the point the aliens showed up. a movie that struggles to find an identity almost as much as it struggles to tell a coherent story.
pay it forward (2000) - here, helen does a better job of acting, but it hardly saves this overambitious sapfest. if only we could all see the world like that idealistic little kid from a.i. does...too bad he dies in the end.
the omega code (1999) - "the film is an effort of the trinity broadcasting network to provide an alternative to hollywood's standard on-screen fare. TBN founder paul crouch and his son matt produced the film, which features an apocalyptic plot, lots of explosions, and prophets who quote scripture. " -- layman.org
enough said.
look who's talking now! (1993) - the scapegoat on which i heap all of my blame for the first two look who's talking installments. talking baby = kinda funny at first. two talking babies = a little annoying. talking dogs = downright insulting.
the neverending story II: the next chapter (1990) - the story apparently SHOULD have ended. i loved the first movie as a kid. the second one made me very, very sad.
from justin to kelly (2003) - alright i didn't actually see this, but i'm gonna wager a guess that i would have HATED it.
follow that bird (1985) - a vhs copy of this sesame street classic and an emotionally crippling adolescent experience. junior high was a tough time for everyone. big bird made it impossible for me.
jurassic park (1993) - ooh look, the dinosaurs are INCREDIBLY realistic. can i go home now?
HONORABLE MENTION
speed (1994) - keanu is too easy a target. so i will refrain. the real question is: is there nothing stopping this man?
it's pat (1994) - come on! SO unnecessary.
so i give you, the 10 movies that currently top my "all-time hate" list. enjoy:
nurse betty (2000) - the beginning of my long standing hate-affair with ms. renee zellweger. this movie road trips through the desert into unsympathetic delusion at a pace so slow that it literally feels like a road trip through the desert. twister (1996) - helen hunt (bad actor) and bill paxton (worse actor) costar with a flying cow in this super-weather extravaganza. the first in a long string of "special effects over story or character" movies that has made us all collectively dumber. also, jan de bont directed it. unforgivable. the forgotten (2004) - this was a fine, interesting psychological thriller....right up to the point the aliens showed up. a movie that struggles to find an identity almost as much as it struggles to tell a coherent story. pay it forward (2000) - here, helen does a better job of acting, but it hardly saves this overambitious sapfest. if only we could all see the world like that idealistic little kid from a.i. does...too bad he dies in the end. the omega code (1999) - "the film is an effort of the trinity broadcasting network to provide an alternative to hollywood's standard on-screen fare. TBN founder paul crouch and his son matt produced the film, which features an apocalyptic plot, lots of explosions, and prophets who quote scripture. " -- layman.orgenough said.
look who's talking now! (1993) - the scapegoat on which i heap all of my blame for the first two look who's talking installments. talking baby = kinda funny at first. two talking babies = a little annoying. talking dogs = downright insulting. the neverending story II: the next chapter (1990) - the story apparently SHOULD have ended. i loved the first movie as a kid. the second one made me very, very sad. from justin to kelly (2003) - alright i didn't actually see this, but i'm gonna wager a guess that i would have HATED it. follow that bird (1985) - a vhs copy of this sesame street classic and an emotionally crippling adolescent experience. junior high was a tough time for everyone. big bird made it impossible for me. jurassic park (1993) - ooh look, the dinosaurs are INCREDIBLY realistic. can i go home now?HONORABLE MENTION
speed (1994) - keanu is too easy a target. so i will refrain. the real question is: is there nothing stopping this man? it's pat (1994) - come on! SO unnecessary.
posted by cade at 10:38 AM
19 Comments:
I saw The Forgotten in Manchester, NH in a crappy movie theater because we were there and it was dark and raining and we had nothing else to do...aliens????? What the &^%)?
Interesting discussion topic: "It's Pat" - worst SNL Character movie ever??
it's gotta be, simply because pat was never funny on the show, so why make a movie? i never saw 'night at the roxbury." don't plan to.
i was about to ask where roxbury was.
the very FIRST Pat sketch was funny...after that, it was all downhill
Didn't The Ladies Man have a movie???
there was a ladies man movie. but i always thought it was funny on the show. not excusing a movie, but just saying.
I liked the Christopher Walken "It's Pat" sketch, when they're trapped on a desert island. But no movies. In fact, Wayne's World 2 pretty much ended my love affair with SNL character movies.
You're right on about Neverending Story 2. I actually felt betrayed watching it.
But dangit, I was going to watch the Forgotten. Now I know it's got aliens...but maybe that's not a big spoiler...(wishful thinking)
BTW, what financial woes have you gotten yourself into, aside from starting a small business and flying to Mexico? (or is that it?) I got some vinyl I could get to you, but my own financial woes may keep it from being a profitable situation for you. Lemme know if it would help. Have your people call my people. They'll do lunch. We must be paying them too much...
I liked Twister-true it was horribly unrealistic, but I liked just having eye candy for two hours. And you forgot to mention that the other chick-the one that was engaged to Bill Paxton's character was also in "The Lost Boys."
I liked Jurassic Park all three times I saw it in the theatre, including the time I had a broken thumb and spent most of the movie white-knuckled and sweating in pain.
everything walken touches is gold in my book. and i'm willing to go out on a limb and say that "pat" wasn't the funny part of that skit.
you should still see 'the forgotten.' it will be an experiment. maybe it won't be AS horrible knowing the twist. but i doubt it.
re: financial stuff. the small business thing is enough for me. but doing it AND not having another job 'til you get rolling...not recommended.
BG- i'm glad you enjoyed 'twister' and 'jurassic park.' i would never judge you for that. to me, they are the perfect "popcorn" movies. and as anyone who knows me knows, i loathe "popcorn" movies (hello? "king kong?")
I couldn't get through all of the Neverending Story 2, I was so disappointed.
I would submit 2 other movies, the first which I am utterly ashamed for seeing, Dr. T. and the Woman starring Richard Gere. Horrible, don't even flirt with seeing it.
Second would be Eye of the Beholder, starring Ashley Judd and Ewan McGregor. Possibly an interesting plot, but horrible in production. It never went anywhere, just strange scenes which never moved the plot.
thanks bri- i've heard that about both of those movies. thanks for the warning.
word.
Aw, geez, Cade, now you've got it in my head to think of 10 movies I hate. Well, maybe we'll be cheesy and start a blog trend...
Although, not a movie... do you know something *I* hate? I hate how your Flooble only works in the evenings like a hooker on the streets...
Love the "alt" tag on Neverending Story 2. :)
"Call my Name!"
dp- i gotta give credit to amazon(dot)com and their "listmania!" pages. this idea was mercilessly stolen and re-tooled for my purposes.
becks- can't help you on the chatterbox...it's just one of the many things i can't control on my blog.
zig- i knew you would.
Can I go where no man has gone before and say that I think Helen Hunt is a good actress? I liked her in "Twister," and in "As Good As It Gets," and suprisingly, "Empire Falls." I know how you feel about her Cade, but I have to disagree. Please forgive me saying this on you're blog.
man dude your angry, grumpy, negative, cynical hateful blog rants make me miss you so much... no shit, i ain't being sarcastic. i really do miss you.
I also needed to mention that I hated Neverending Story too. I loved the first movie except I always had to leave the room or fast forward through the part where Atreyu's horse dies in the swamp. I always cried, no matter how many times I've seen it. Also-pop quiz: Does anyone know what the Childlike Empress's name was when Bastian called her name? Oh, and if you get a chance, read the book the movie was based on. It goes further than the movie but it's still really good.
alex-
allow me to explain myself. i don't hate helen hunt. i just don't think she's ever done anything worthy of being labelled a "good" actor. (i could have won that oscar looking confused opposite the jack.)
here is my scale (loosely):
-great actor: johnny depp, cate blanchett
-good actor: don cheadle, julianne moore
-competent actor: charlize theron, tom hanks
-bad actor: nicolas cage, helen hunt
-terrible actor: bill paxton, denise richards
-worthless actor: tara reid, ashton kuthcer
-heather graham
as you can see, helen is in the middle of the pack. there are many many many many worse out there, she's just not my favorite.
your point is taken. although, you probably like what women want too.
I think Heather Graham has weird alien eyeballs. They are huge!
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