need your help
so, tomorrow i go in to perform my civic duty as an alternate juror for the county of essex in the grand commonwealth of massachusetts.
i really don't mind doing it. knowing all of the crazies i attract, the possibility that it could make for an interesting and comical day is very very high.
but just in case, i am looking for advice on the most effective ways to get out of jury duty.
let's hear 'em. i could use the inspiration.
i really don't mind doing it. knowing all of the crazies i attract, the possibility that it could make for an interesting and comical day is very very high.
but just in case, i am looking for advice on the most effective ways to get out of jury duty.
let's hear 'em. i could use the inspiration.
posted by cade at 2:10 PM
13 Comments:
you could talk to yourself.
or when the lawyers are asking you questions to determine if you will be biased you could try and answer in a way that would get you tossed.
oh i know, you should show up drunk.
every time a laywer asks you a question, get out your cell phone, and answer the question as though you were talking on your cell phone...and use the words 'totally' and 'like' a lot
the other thing to do, in the middle of the first question from a laywer, is interrupt him and say, 'hey, I know you! You were the guy buying meth before me last night! Man, that was some good chalk..."
or you could insist on starting the answer to each question by asking 'is this for the record?' then, when they say yes, answer and end with, 'for the record'
or you could bring 'Friends' into each answer, for example, if they asked you, 'what do you think about spouses cheating on each other?' you could answer... 'well, it like depends on whether or not they were on a (use finger quotes) break, you know, like Ross and Rachel, I'm totally on Ross' side here cuz last he knew they were on a break and he thought Rachel was with Mark when he called her from the bar, so what was he supposed to think? for the record"
have fun!!!
I think you should TRY YOUR HARDEST to get selected. Talk about a wealth of blog-worthy anecdotes waiting to happen!
-eric m
by the way, Kylene and I are coming to Boston on Thursday and will be there through Sunday. Will you be in town?
eric m
Tell them you are a minister.
I'm serious. They won't pick you.
I actually want to get on a jury. And it took me years to figure out that this was why they wouldn't touch me.
Now I can't wait to write on that card "tree trimmer/manual laborer".
Oh yeah...I'll be the head juror...
walk in with your schlong hanging out of your fly.
I had to go twice... once they asked "How do you feel about people who use cocaine?"... that got me right out of there...
Next, I looked at the lawyer and said "I think he "looks" guilty as hell, what did he do again?".... they let me go............Mom
Since James stole my first reaction, tell them that you are a Klan member.
Either that, or quote James' workplace as your own. They definitely won't want you!
these are all excellent suggestions. but alas i fear they had no bearing.
you may call me "juror #2."
but, i'm not supposed to talk about it...so nevermind.
grom, i will be here, barring any sort of stalemate or sequester.
dude, you should talk about it then, that will get you tossed for sure.
hahahahaha. that was good.
Aw, man, sorry I'm late on the draw. You should have given Morgan Freeman's final parole hearing speech. That would've gotten you out for sure...either that or Jack Nicholson's 'You can't handle the truth' speech from "A Few Good Men."
I can't believe I didn't give the movie for the first reference, but did for the second...anyway, you should know what movie I'm talking about for Morgan Freeman.
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