the "crazy magnet" files - vol. III

today's installment:

customer #000499 - "fishy joe"


a new entrant into the (insert record store name here) hall of astonishingly strange customers, "fishy joe" has only graced our fair store but once. in fact, it was 10 minutes ago. fishing pole in hand, he entered and left with the abruptness and severity of a late july storm in the midwest. the best i can do is try and recap the transcript:

fj - (entering and muttering) tapes. tapes. you gotta have tapes.

me - right behind you.

fj - right. you gave me the deal of a lifetime last time. ac/dc.

(he then stared at me for what seemed like an hour. the look told me he realized that i wasn't the guy he thought i was, but still tried to conjur where he knew me from.)

fj - (cont'd) how long you been here? like 3, 4 years?

me - almost a year.

fj - right. right. you remember the ac/dc?

me - it's possible.

fj - you ARE the guy? or is there another owner?

me - nope just me.

fj - ok. i love that ac/dc. it was like 5 tapes for 10 bucks. i still crank that shit. (brief pause) "back in black." you know that one?

me - (nodding) it's a good tune.

fj - hell yeah! it's a good ALBUM. (thumbing through the existing tapes) robert plant? he sucks. you know who else sucks?

me - (barely containing my curiosity) who's that?

fj - U2. i HATE that U2. well, not YOU too..but U 2.

me - i get it.

fj - (sensing something wasn't quite right.) what. do you like them or something?

me - (quickly deciding that i wouldn't be filet'd in my own store for this opinion) yeah. i like them.

fj - they suck! and they're EVERYWHERE. but they suck. you know who IS good...well, a lot of people. just not U2. (continuing through the rack) benny goodman? wasn't he that comedian.

me - i think that was henny youngman.

fj - i know. i know. i'm just joking. i just came in from the heat.

me - are the fish biting?

fj - (ignoring the question and turning his attention to my t-shirt) "b-side?" what, is that a prison thing or something?

me - (trying to not show an ounce of humor on my face) no, it's like the b-side of a record. (i gesture to the turntable to my right.) a-side. b-side.

(blank stares. followed by silence.)

fj - 'cause i just got out of prison. i was in what we called the "c-side." i was king there.

(more silence)

fj - (cont'd) alright. well good luck to ya. (he exits abruptly....then sticks his head back in.) not that you need luck. you're a working man.


then he disappeared into the fading afternoon light.

and i find myself having to reconsider my stance on the suckiness of U2....potentially for my own safety.

ha!

lance bass to world: "i'm gay."

world to lance bass: "which one were you again?"

that's right the former n'sync-er better known for his attempt at going into space on a russian rocket than for his...um...music(?) has announced that he is, in fact, gay.


wow, what a win for the homosexual community. they now have a quality ambassador the likes we haven't seen since the days of pro wrestling's "big bossman."

i'm sure they are proud to have him on board.

my apologies to mr. gentry

apparently, i am on a never-ending quest to piss off my friend and pastor.

first busch stadium...

now this...




today was a cool day.

you heard it here first

i normally don't like making predictions because i normally can't make them accurately.

however, i am so certain of this, i had to.

for those of you who don't know what "one red paperclip" is, check it out.

personally, i think this guy is brilliant. but i assure you, somebody, somewhere, thinks this is a good idea for a reality show. and it will be a television show. mark it down. it will happen.

that is all.

greetings from "baseball heaven"

this post breaks down into two underlying themes:

80% to say how cool my girlfriend is
20% to piss off gentry

for my birthday, i received a ticket to the new busch stadium in st louis.

last night, i got to go



this not so much a review of the stadium, but a list of things i noticed.

-it looks fake (read: cheap) from outside
-however, the views inside (including the relative closeness of all the seats to the field) are pretty spectacular
-it smells like a grease fire
-despite the occasional rain, we saw a great game (3-2 cardinals in the 14th on a walk-off pujols homer)
-kids in st louis are mental
-it's NOT baseball heaven

that's about it. it's a fun date. i recommend it.

pimp my site

WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG FOLLOWING

(as always)

with the recent addition of the championships at wimbledon, the new "tennis tour" section of cadeland has been finished....well, 3/4 of it anyway.

check it here.



or don't.


i don't care.

it's headlines (abbreviated)

i have one reason and one reason alone to write this installment of headlines:

Hasselhoff has surgery following shaving accident

the end