fun with cade in airports - DFW still sucks edition

since no one other than me seems to think the below post was funny....i'll move on.

i am currently sitting in the gate area at DFW. have i ever mentioned that i hate this place? i thought i might have mentioned it.

after an exhausting week in the "live music capital of the world" austin, texas (look soon for a future post about the best guitar player i have ever seen...if i feel like it,) i survived my first flight, a 35 minute jumper from austin to dallas without incident and in relative comfort. for some reason, i was booked into first class for my entire trip home. not sure why. really didn't mind too much. even the white-trash-ish mom and her 3 kids in the row behind me (hello!! 4 first class tickets for a 35 minute flight?) were relatively well behaved and i slept a little.

then we parked at the gate.

now, before i go any futher, i feel i should mention that all of the "issues" with this trip were of my own doing, so this is less a complaint and more an absurd look at the state of mind and body i am currently in.

i arrived at my new departure gate, somehow managing to skip the entire rigmaroll of using the dreaded skylink, to find that my flight to boston was oversold. well, being the mileage and free ticket whore that i am, of course i jumped in and volunteered my ticket in leiu of a $300 travel voucher and a MAXIMUM lateness of 3 hours. needless to say, that i got bumped and am now waiting for my chance at standby on the next flight or my confirmed middle seat on the one after. that's right, i passed up a 4 hour nap in first class for the chance to sit between two fatties in coach and pray for death for the better part of the evening.

whatever, the point of this post is to say this: i am tired. very, very tired. and i have been sick all week. not like deathly sick, but annoyingly sick. my eyes are bloodshot. my voice comes and goes. i am quickly running out of kleenex. and i just spilled a full mcdonald's dr pepper that is now puddled up in the seat next to me.

not to mention the 3 shot glasses i knocked off the shelf at the newsstand a few minutes ago.

if my dayquil actually holds and i somehow make it home in one piece tonight, you can rest assured that i will be sleeping for about 20 hours.


i guess the good news is, my weeklong "t-mobile wireless" pass works here as well, and i get to share, once again, the glamours of travelling with me.

observations from a wehrenberg theatre

i overheard the single most (looking for a polite way to say this...uh...nope, i've got nothing other than...) pathetic thing i have ever heard.

the woman in front of us at the box office: "one for date movie please."

and, scene.

and while we are on the subject, we saw brokeback mountain (sorry brooke) and i can only say one thing: michelle williams was nominated for an academy award for this? huh. interesting.

two open letters

dear pamela anderson,

i recently read that you are boycotting the kentucky derby due to it's inhumane practices of "forcing horses to race for our amusement." this saddens me not only as a thoroughbred racing fan, but moreso, as a loyal fan of your acclaimed work in television, film and print over the years.

i know that there is nothing i can say to you to convince you that "forcing" a thoroughbred horse to do something it does naturally...for a WHOLE 2 minutes...ONCE in its life, is not as much cruel as it is a celebration of the animal. and, according to your website, you love animals. so why don't you want to celebrate them, pam? do you secretly want to see the animals deprived of a party? really. pam. that's just mean.

do us all a favor and stick to chickens and monkeys and leave the horses to the people who know what they are talking about.

sincerely,
cade


---------

dear religious-right-advocates-who-are-horrified-by-the-media's-presentation-of-
homosexuality-as-"acceptable",

cc: fundamentalist crazies who's general motto is "god hates fags" or any variation thereof

we know you are upset by the popularity and critical acclaim of the morally-bankrupt sin-fest known as brokeback mountain. but, please, DO NOT leave your cushy compounds and fly all the way to hollywood to protest this year's academy awards. we get it. you disagree with this kind of representation of love. that is abundantly clear. but, do us all a favor and don't make everyone who wears the label "christian" look like a lunatic by shouting pointless herecy at the stars as they arrive on the read carpets. you will be laughed at. you don't want that do you?

however, if you are dead-set on making the trip to both rationally and insightfully show hollywood the evil of it's ways, try focusing your attention on the folks about 3 blocks down from the kodak theatre on hollywood blvd. i think you will find a rather nice cross section of sinners who may very well be in need of your brand of "cleansing."

think of it, you can inform an entire population of degenerates that they are going to hell and still have time to swing by and see mel gibson's hand prints at grauman's chinese theater. it would be a blast.

trying to help,
cade

(insert record store name here) records - a running journal

9:15 am – i got to the store and started furiously setting up guitars for the “show us what you got” open-amp corner. after neither guitar/amp combo worked and I broke one cable, I gave up and ran to the bank and to get a 9 volt battery.

10:05 am - arrived back with change and 9 volt. bass guitar now works, still no luck on the peavey guitar amp. officially done with this project. double check stock in refrigerator

10:12 am – open for business.

11:22 am – after 3 customers, i finally have my first transaction…a buyback of 7 cds. so far, on the day, i have SPENT $15. sweet.

11:41 am – first sale of day: a vinyl bowl made from a barbara streisand record. (the first bowl i have sold since opening. good sign?)

12:42 pm – introduced a new generation of gamers to the wonders of warlords on atari.

1:15 pm – local sk8er kids show up and immediately start playing the fender.

now we’re officially rockin’.

2:32 pm – some dude just bought the crapiest lot of dvds ever. pinata survival island, the 18th angel, and some bloopers video. good riddance.

2:52 pm - the party starts:


3:10 – the band "saint joe hazelwood" shows up. sets up. and prepares to rock...slowcore style.

3:24 pm - the atari gets seriously heated.

3:59 - a lady just came in and excitedly asked if i had any boxes. "you know, for moving." i told her i would give her some if she bought something. she thought i was joking. i finally broke down and gave her some crappy box that smells like paint. she left.

4:45 - a cake arrived courtesy of someone in st louis.

it was yummy.

5:15 – 5:53 – dj towns end raises the roof for a crowd of 3.

6:12 – KU beats iowa state in basketball 88–75.

6:36 – due to the fact that all potential customers are apparently preparing for the upcoming blizzard, and the fact that i am tired and have an engagement party to go to, (insert record store name here) closes it's doors and calls it a night.

thank you and support your local record stores.

on bjs and airport anxiety

(how's that for a compelling post title?)

so, today i made my first trip to the bulk warehouse store, BJs (think costco or sam's club,) to stock up on what can only be described as "a shit-load of beverages and cleaning supplies" for the store and the grand opening tomorrow.

it is safe to say, that i hate this type of shopping adventure. not necessarily because of the bulk-consumerism aspect. i mean, who doesn't love buying a 12-pack of vacuum cleaners for $600? no, the reason i don't care for this is the other people that are involved. there is a certain, unspoken code of conduct that exists at places like target or your local grocery store that, though occasionally broken, allows one to shop in relative comfort and ease. the shopping cart protocol is standard. you try not to crash into other people. you mostly keep to yourself and all is well.

such a code of conduct does not exist at the likes of BJs.

not only are the carts (carriages for you true new englanders) twice the size of the norm, but they are more times than not, filled to overflowing with all manner of consumable garbage. you can't go down a single aisle without narrowly avoiding a collision that would result in catastrophe. at no time, is there room to turn around if necessary or to backtrack because of the soccer moms and elderly who are rushing through the warehouse trying to finish their montly grocery blitz at a new, record time. still, don't get it? here's the best analogy i can come up with:

imagine trying to shop while there are 20 or so drunk people around you...driving SUVs...in a roller rink.

all this to say, that i felt very uncomfortable and was again confronted with my own issues dealing with personal space. my personal space or "space bubble" was not only invaded, but molested and beaten several times throughout the 1 hour and 13 minute trip. and this causes me all kinds of anxiety. and i got to thinking that maybe this is the reason i struggle with airports so much. because there is NOTHING more chaotic than trying to traverse a busy airport. there is simply no such thing as personal space in these situations. and while i feel i have made definite leaps in recent years toward overcoming my people-related claustrophobia, i know i still have a long way to go.

but at the very least, i can say that i now own more pepsi products than can be possibly be consumed by one human. sweet.

good news, bad news

it is with bittersweet anticipation, that i tell those of you who don't know, that FOX will be airing the final 4 episodes of arrested development this friday in one, 2-hour block.

with this move, the execs at FOX programming have made their final statement:

"we absolutely do not care what happens to this show. nor do we care at all about the voice or opinions of it's loyal fans. we are going to air the shows as we promised, but we will be damned if we give anyone a chance to watch it." *

that's right, they are airing the final episodes of the FOX-era (come on, CW. you know you want to pick it up) of this brilliant and criminally misunderstood show this friday night....opposite the opening ceremonies of the winter olympics! an event watched the world over by hundreds of millions of people. why not just air it opposite the superbowl, or would that have been overkill? at least that would have guaranteed that NO ONE would have watched it. that IS what you want, right? for NO ONE to watch it? you so suck.




*-quote was exagerated...slightly.

ready for the big game

i can't wait.

tomorrow is the biggest game of the year. the one the fans have waited for all season. two teams, with everything to prove will meet in a epic battle.

a battle in lawrence, kansas. between the #18 sooners of oklahoma and the jayhawks of kansas. not necessarily. a "must win" for the 'hawks. but it would be a great one if it happened.

oh, and there is some football game on too...so i hear.

speaking of the super bowl, (it's "in detroit this year....the home of robocop.") here's a funny little story:

so, my mom calls me yesterday from hawaii (a fact that should be noted as she has called me at LEAST every other day from hawaii. apparently the concept of a "vacation" is still a work in progress for my mother) for no reason other than to update me on the weather in maui. the conversation turned thusly:

mom: so are you excited about the superbowl?
me: uh, i guess.
mom: i guess i want the steelers to win. i've kind of always liked the steelers for some reason.
me: huh. well, i guess i kind of want the seahawks to win just 'cause it would be neat to see mike holmgren (father of friend and former FR staffer, emily. (we partied at his summer house A LOT. but that is for another blog)) win it again.
mom: oh, that's right. i forgot he coached there.
me: yeah, he does. shouldn't you be snorkelling or something?
mom: okay, well, i'll let you go.
me: alright. bye.

ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed the transcript from THE ONLY conversation my mom and i have ever had regarding football. my mom's a steelers' fan?!? what the...?

i guess it takes the horrible, dreary, boring island of maui to bring out the most obscure of facts about my mother. well, if the steelers do win, i guess that will give her another reason to call me monday...not that she'll need to find one.