and we're live in 3...2...1...
7:56 pm est - successfully avoiding the catastrophe that is joan rivers, we are ready for a ground-breaking "live-ish" post here at the annex.
underway in four short minutes...
------
8:00 pm est - opening montage: an extravaganza in emotionless, low-tech special effects. this is gonna be a long night.
8:02 pm est - nod to hosts past...john stewart can't sing or dance. so let's call back everyone who ever hosted. all in all, pretty funny. whoopi: "uh-uh. hell no." ha!
8:05 pm est - stewart seems a little nervous. the audience has NO IDEA what to do with him. long night.
8:10 - warming up. warming up. that joke about...HOLY HELL, what is charlize wearing?!?!
8:13 - gay westerns throughout history...f-ing brilliant!!!
8:15 - nicole kidman alert. hide your eyes, becky. SUPPORTING ACTOR: CLOONEY. (0/1). i should have seen that stupid "oil" movie after all. good speech, george.
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8:24 - gimmick #2 (of 3,000,000) - tom hanks faking an appropriate speech. LONG NIGHT!
8:26 - stiller. green screen. speilberg could care less. VISUAL EFFECTS: KING KONG (1/2). next.
8:31 - did reese just win something? oh, another "techie". ANIMATED FEATURE: WALLACE & GROMIT (2/3) the academy freakin' loves nick park (nice bow-ties, btw.)
(sidenote: i love the "wrap-up music" throughout the entire speeches)
8:34 - DOLLY! DOLLY! DOLLY!
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8:42 - 42 minutes in...4 awards. huh.
wilson brothers. hell yeah. LIVE ACTION SHORT: SIX SHOOTER (3/4). heller yeah!
8:45 - can i go ONE FREAKIN' NIGHT without chicken little, please? ANIMATED SHORT: THE MOON AND THE SUN. (3/5) boooo. i freakin' knew it!
8:48 - aww, jennifer aniston. happy. (despite the overall sentiment of the people in this room) COSTUME: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (4/6).
8:51 - russell crow is such a happy guy. gimmick #3 (some pointless crap about biopics.) worthless time waster.
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8:57 - carell and ferrell? this should be not at all funny. good gah, their faces. ha! MAKEUP: NARNIA (5/7). evangelicals everywhere rejoice!
9:01 - political jabs. scientific oscars. bathroom break.
9:03 - morgan freeman is talking...someone give someone an oscar. did he just screw up? SUPPORTING ACTRESS: RACHEL WEISZ (6/8) *ye-oww*
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9:11 - lauren bacall is wearing a pant suit. embarrassing. boy, she is struggling. where is liz taylor when we need her? gimmick #4 (tribute to film noir?) cool, but i want to sleep at some point. get on with it.
9:16 - gimmick #5 (stephen colbert: lead actress....shenanigans. kind of funny actually) DOCUMENTARY SHORT: A NOTE OF TRIUMPH (6/9) damnit! i was postitive! *crying*
(sidenote: apparently this whole night is about how hot clooney is?)
9:21 - seriously, what the hell is charlize wearing? DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: PENGUINS (7/10) shocker! these french guys are weird.
9:23 - j-lo. she's still around? "in the deep" THE STAGE IS ON FIRE!!! is the racial pantomime REALLY necessary? oh that's right, crash is an important social statement. i forgot.
------
9:32 - and we're back. a speed reunion! i will now vomit. keanu reeves is on the stage at the academy awards...apocalypse imminent. ART DIRECTION: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (8/11). yeah brother.
9:36 - samuel l. jackson is a badass. period. gimmick #uh...12? ("edgy movies" wait, was that day after tomorrow? i quit.)
9:40 - worthless speech by mr. ganas. did he just take a shot at dvds? that should go over well.
9:44 - this just in, i still don't like salma hayek. dude, bill conte is the conductor tonight?!?! where's dale? karate kid forever!! itzhak perlman plays the hits. do they do this every year? it's a good thing they are doing this, they are running a little fast tonight. SCORE: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (8/12) damn my stupid brain. i should have gotten that one.
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9:56 - jake gyllenhallelhl presents yet another freakin' montage. gimmick #17 (epic movies. another shot at dvds. does anyone else guess that they are desperate to get people to go to the movies?)
10:00 - stewart makes a "we're out of clips" joke. amen, brother. and now, the big ones. SOUND MIXING: KING KONG (8/13) who cares.
10:04 - meryl streep has an antenna. she's a robot! this bit with her and lily is awful.
11:45 - lily and meryl are still talking.
10:13 - i love robert altman, but i am bored right now. entertain me, people!
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10:18 - "roll out!" god help me, i love me some ludacris. "hard out here for a pimp" is performed. looks like sesame street gone very, very wrong. goodness, was that last note called for? ORIGINAL SONG: THAT PIMP SONG. (8/14) uh, okay. and the award for the most untintellible acceptance speech goes to....
(sidenote: it's like a whole group of people doing "lose yourself" by eminem on karaoke.)
10:25 - we recover. and move forward. SOUND EDITING (via another fake-advocacy ad and a garner near-fall): KING KONG (9/15). i'm back in it, baby.
10:30 - "academy award winner, george clooney" still sounds weird. gimmick #807 (in memoriam. though, i do like this one) aww, pat morita...it's a banner night for karate kid. what? no don knotts? stupid prepackaged montage. keep up.
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10:37 - will smith is a babbling idiot. FOREIGN FILM: TSOTSI (10/16) booyah.
10:41 - "martin scorcese, 0 oscars. 36 mafia, 1 oscar." classic. FILM EDITING: CRASH (11/17).
10:44 - hillary swank: hot or not? tonight: hot. more or less. ACTOR: PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN (12/18). how was this category such a heavyweight fight in a weak year like this? 5 great performances. wow.
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10:54 - 6 more to go. the natives are getting tired. i am soon to be the only one left at this party. CINEMATOGRAPHY: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (12/19) damn my damn brain. all heart picks next year. i mean it.
10:57 - jamie foxx, no frills. i like it. ACTRESS: REESE WITHERSPOON (13/20) all i can see in her speech is elle from legally blonde. that is unfortunate. ok, now she's calming down.
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11:07 - this party has died a horrible death. i feel lonely. and dustin hoffman looks morose. SCREENPLAYS, ADAPTATION: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (14/21). is that guy wearing jeans? oh well. uma! uma! ORIGINAL: CRASH (15/22). seriously, why are the writers the ones with the longest speeches?
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11:17 - i'm out of jokes, people. bear with me a little longer. robert lang...i mean tom hanks does his obligatory appearance (again.) da vinci code can't come out soon enough. he needs to cut that hair, stat. DIRECTOR: ANG LEE. (16/23). huh. not so adorable after all.
11:22 - here's jack! let's end this thing and get on to next year. BEST PICTURE: (drumroll) CRASH? (16/24). and we're done here. come on voters! the hype! what about the hype!?!
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11:29 pm est - why doesn't anyone ever end with a joke? 3 1/2 hours? not too shabby considering the barnstorming pace we started out on.
so, crash is the best picture of the year, huh? well, i got nothing.
i'm out. i'm too tired to offer a recap or a parting shot.
peace.
/150 minutes i'll never get back
underway in four short minutes...
------
8:00 pm est - opening montage: an extravaganza in emotionless, low-tech special effects. this is gonna be a long night.
8:02 pm est - nod to hosts past...john stewart can't sing or dance. so let's call back everyone who ever hosted. all in all, pretty funny. whoopi: "uh-uh. hell no." ha!
8:05 pm est - stewart seems a little nervous. the audience has NO IDEA what to do with him. long night.
8:10 - warming up. warming up. that joke about...HOLY HELL, what is charlize wearing?!?!
8:13 - gay westerns throughout history...f-ing brilliant!!!
8:15 - nicole kidman alert. hide your eyes, becky. SUPPORTING ACTOR: CLOONEY. (0/1). i should have seen that stupid "oil" movie after all. good speech, george.
------
8:24 - gimmick #2 (of 3,000,000) - tom hanks faking an appropriate speech. LONG NIGHT!
8:26 - stiller. green screen. speilberg could care less. VISUAL EFFECTS: KING KONG (1/2). next.
8:31 - did reese just win something? oh, another "techie". ANIMATED FEATURE: WALLACE & GROMIT (2/3) the academy freakin' loves nick park (nice bow-ties, btw.)
(sidenote: i love the "wrap-up music" throughout the entire speeches)
8:34 - DOLLY! DOLLY! DOLLY!
------
8:42 - 42 minutes in...4 awards. huh.
wilson brothers. hell yeah. LIVE ACTION SHORT: SIX SHOOTER (3/4). heller yeah!
8:45 - can i go ONE FREAKIN' NIGHT without chicken little, please? ANIMATED SHORT: THE MOON AND THE SUN. (3/5) boooo. i freakin' knew it!
8:48 - aww, jennifer aniston. happy. (despite the overall sentiment of the people in this room) COSTUME: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (4/6).
8:51 - russell crow is such a happy guy. gimmick #3 (some pointless crap about biopics.) worthless time waster.
------
8:57 - carell and ferrell? this should be not at all funny. good gah, their faces. ha! MAKEUP: NARNIA (5/7). evangelicals everywhere rejoice!
9:01 - political jabs. scientific oscars. bathroom break.
9:03 - morgan freeman is talking...someone give someone an oscar. did he just screw up? SUPPORTING ACTRESS: RACHEL WEISZ (6/8) *ye-oww*
------
9:11 - lauren bacall is wearing a pant suit. embarrassing. boy, she is struggling. where is liz taylor when we need her? gimmick #4 (tribute to film noir?) cool, but i want to sleep at some point. get on with it.
9:16 - gimmick #5 (stephen colbert: lead actress....shenanigans. kind of funny actually) DOCUMENTARY SHORT: A NOTE OF TRIUMPH (6/9) damnit! i was postitive! *crying*
(sidenote: apparently this whole night is about how hot clooney is?)
9:21 - seriously, what the hell is charlize wearing? DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: PENGUINS (7/10) shocker! these french guys are weird.
9:23 - j-lo. she's still around? "in the deep" THE STAGE IS ON FIRE!!! is the racial pantomime REALLY necessary? oh that's right, crash is an important social statement. i forgot.
------
9:32 - and we're back. a speed reunion! i will now vomit. keanu reeves is on the stage at the academy awards...apocalypse imminent. ART DIRECTION: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (8/11). yeah brother.
9:36 - samuel l. jackson is a badass. period. gimmick #uh...12? ("edgy movies" wait, was that day after tomorrow? i quit.)
9:40 - worthless speech by mr. ganas. did he just take a shot at dvds? that should go over well.
9:44 - this just in, i still don't like salma hayek. dude, bill conte is the conductor tonight?!?! where's dale? karate kid forever!! itzhak perlman plays the hits. do they do this every year? it's a good thing they are doing this, they are running a little fast tonight. SCORE: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (8/12) damn my stupid brain. i should have gotten that one.
------
9:56 - jake gyllenhallelhl presents yet another freakin' montage. gimmick #17 (epic movies. another shot at dvds. does anyone else guess that they are desperate to get people to go to the movies?)
10:00 - stewart makes a "we're out of clips" joke. amen, brother. and now, the big ones. SOUND MIXING: KING KONG (8/13) who cares.
10:04 - meryl streep has an antenna. she's a robot! this bit with her and lily is awful.
10:13 - i love robert altman, but i am bored right now. entertain me, people!
------
10:18 - "roll out!" god help me, i love me some ludacris. "hard out here for a pimp" is performed. looks like sesame street gone very, very wrong. goodness, was that last note called for? ORIGINAL SONG: THAT PIMP SONG. (8/14) uh, okay. and the award for the most untintellible acceptance speech goes to....
(sidenote: it's like a whole group of people doing "lose yourself" by eminem on karaoke.)
10:25 - we recover. and move forward. SOUND EDITING (via another fake-advocacy ad and a garner near-fall): KING KONG (9/15). i'm back in it, baby.
10:30 - "academy award winner, george clooney" still sounds weird. gimmick #807 (in memoriam. though, i do like this one) aww, pat morita...it's a banner night for karate kid. what? no don knotts? stupid prepackaged montage. keep up.
-----
10:37 - will smith is a babbling idiot. FOREIGN FILM: TSOTSI (10/16) booyah.
10:41 - "martin scorcese, 0 oscars. 36 mafia, 1 oscar." classic. FILM EDITING: CRASH (11/17).
10:44 - hillary swank: hot or not? tonight: hot. more or less. ACTOR: PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN (12/18). how was this category such a heavyweight fight in a weak year like this? 5 great performances. wow.
------
10:54 - 6 more to go. the natives are getting tired. i am soon to be the only one left at this party. CINEMATOGRAPHY: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (12/19) damn my damn brain. all heart picks next year. i mean it.
10:57 - jamie foxx, no frills. i like it. ACTRESS: REESE WITHERSPOON (13/20) all i can see in her speech is elle from legally blonde. that is unfortunate. ok, now she's calming down.
------
11:07 - this party has died a horrible death. i feel lonely. and dustin hoffman looks morose. SCREENPLAYS, ADAPTATION: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (14/21). is that guy wearing jeans? oh well. uma! uma! ORIGINAL: CRASH (15/22). seriously, why are the writers the ones with the longest speeches?
------
11:17 - i'm out of jokes, people. bear with me a little longer. robert lang...i mean tom hanks does his obligatory appearance (again.) da vinci code can't come out soon enough. he needs to cut that hair, stat. DIRECTOR: ANG LEE. (16/23). huh. not so adorable after all.
11:22 - here's jack! let's end this thing and get on to next year. BEST PICTURE: (drumroll) CRASH? (16/24). and we're done here. come on voters! the hype! what about the hype!?!
------
11:29 pm est - why doesn't anyone ever end with a joke? 3 1/2 hours? not too shabby considering the barnstorming pace we started out on.
so, crash is the best picture of the year, huh? well, i got nothing.
i'm out. i'm too tired to offer a recap or a parting shot.
peace.
/150 minutes i'll never get back
posted by cade at 4:54 PM
7 Comments:
I saw not one film that was nominated for anything...not ONE.
Bill Conte...man, that guy is awesome.
I was glad to see a nod to Pat Morita, but he was like the second guy they showed...he deserved a deeper spot between a sound editor and unknown producer where the audience could clearly recognize Mr. Miyagi for his brilliance and inspiration.
After the montage of socially-impactful movies, Stewart deadpans..."and none of those issues were a problem ever again."
Beautiful...best moment of the night for me.
Was at a bible study most of the evening, but I came in on the telecast to see Reese win her Oscar. Agreed, it was definitely a bit too Elle-ish for a minute there. But good for her.
So not having seen most of the films ahead of time, I was 8/24. That's conventional wisdom, for you. The other 8 you got on me were mainly King Kong and Memoirs of a Geisha. and I should have guessed all of those, oh well. Also shoulda guessed Penguins and Tsotsi. I bow to the theatre & film major that is cade. My big red Videohound book couldn't help me tonight, alas. The only thing left I have to say is: Good Night, and Good Luck.
i should have been at 18, but i wasn't. next year i am only doing one pick. this "will win"/"my pick" stuff just kills me.
could there have been ANY MORE montages tonight? i swear.
For once I feel like the academy got it mostly correct, not because of the outcome on one particular category or another, but because of the variety of films that won awards.
I can never buy into the idea that one film deserves to win so many different categories - such as in years past. This always makes me believe that the academy can't discern category from category, but can only see "best picture". This was a low year in my opinion, but i would like to see even more movies opened up for the possibility for receiving awards. Technically they are all open, but it seems like the focus only gets set on about 7-10 films each year. It should be possible for a "best actor" to rise from a film that is horrible in most other categories and so forth.
Side note, I thought John Stewart did far better than I ever would have thought, which isn't saying much.
good point, kroek.
i thought stewart was great.
Red Carpet Microphone Guy: "What color are you wearing?"
Various Female Actresses: "It's called white woman nude!"
"It should be possible for a "best actor" to rise from a film that is horrible in most other categories and so forth."
In my opinion, this happened this year. Honestly, did anyone really think 'Capote' was anything beyond P.S.Hoffman's acting??
Granted, the film was nominated in other categories, but - go figure - I found them all undeserved.
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