how to make everyone think you're an alcoholic

...in 5 easy steps:

1) take 1 (one) glass liter bottle of jack daniels(TM) brand tennessee whiskey (that was given as a gift by one's employer at the end of a long project, NOT purchased by oneself)

2) carefully pack aforementioned bottle into one's suitcase for safe travel home via airline of your choice

3) add 1 (one) TSA agent at the airport to thoroughly undo packing job, complete with apparent open-bottle olfactory test, half-heartedly "re-seal" bottle and resume piss poor job of repacking

4) shake well, courtesy of local baggage handler

5) arrive home to have all clothing in said suitcase reek of mr. daniels

thank you TSA. our country is safer AND i can now get drunk simply by getting dressed.