divine inspiration or distraction?
tonight, i sat in a living room with the new home church i have been introduced to since i arrived in massachusetts. this is a great group. a small group that loves each other, loves the surrounding community, and loves God passionately. in short, it is exactly what i have been needing in my life. and for this i am incredibly grateful.
the problem lies not within the group itself, but rather within my lack of understanding of my own life. allow me to explain.
in recent years i have noticed a trend when i encounter God-centered worship, teaching or any situation where the Holy Spirit is present. the slightest word or phrase from a song, the person speaking, even side conversations will launch a torrent of ideas and thoughts in my head. an exciting and uncontrollable torrent. i'm talking about vivid images, stories, characters, things that i desperately want to communicate with others.
now, given the fact that i would love to be able to tell beautiful stories, whether through film, photograph, song, whatever, and have prayed at length for God to inspire me to be able to legitimatize the passion that i feel He has given me for these things, one would think of this as a good thing. a blessing. trust me, i do. i do consider it a divine method of speaking to my heart and mind. what frustrates me is that i become so consumed within my head of these new, exciting ideas that i completely lose what is happening in the background, and that is, the teaching of God's word. i couldn't tell you a single point that was made in that living room tonight. and not because the guy teaching didn't do a good job, because he certainly did. but, because i can't concentrate on anything else. so, my question is this: when does inspiration become a distraction? a blessing become a burden?
i thank God for giving me such clear inspiration. i curse myself for not being able to do anything with it. (to date, i have finished exactly ZERO stories that i have set out to write.) and i wonder, wouldn't my time be better spent learning from the word instead of getting caught up in daydreams?
just something i have noticed about myself. i will continue to pray for guidance as i have no idea what i am doing. but rest assured, i wrote tonight's idea down.
the problem lies not within the group itself, but rather within my lack of understanding of my own life. allow me to explain.
in recent years i have noticed a trend when i encounter God-centered worship, teaching or any situation where the Holy Spirit is present. the slightest word or phrase from a song, the person speaking, even side conversations will launch a torrent of ideas and thoughts in my head. an exciting and uncontrollable torrent. i'm talking about vivid images, stories, characters, things that i desperately want to communicate with others.
now, given the fact that i would love to be able to tell beautiful stories, whether through film, photograph, song, whatever, and have prayed at length for God to inspire me to be able to legitimatize the passion that i feel He has given me for these things, one would think of this as a good thing. a blessing. trust me, i do. i do consider it a divine method of speaking to my heart and mind. what frustrates me is that i become so consumed within my head of these new, exciting ideas that i completely lose what is happening in the background, and that is, the teaching of God's word. i couldn't tell you a single point that was made in that living room tonight. and not because the guy teaching didn't do a good job, because he certainly did. but, because i can't concentrate on anything else. so, my question is this: when does inspiration become a distraction? a blessing become a burden?
i thank God for giving me such clear inspiration. i curse myself for not being able to do anything with it. (to date, i have finished exactly ZERO stories that i have set out to write.) and i wonder, wouldn't my time be better spent learning from the word instead of getting caught up in daydreams?
just something i have noticed about myself. i will continue to pray for guidance as i have no idea what i am doing. but rest assured, i wrote tonight's idea down.
posted by cade at 11:58 PM
3 Comments:
Thanks for the honesty in this post cade. I resonate with this a bit. I think this is part of why I felt so compelled to jump into just doing something, thus "Postlude". How many times have you and I talked about doing but never have done. So glad to have done a film together. So glad you are here. Am anxious for us to start the next project.
That's some good stuff to be wrestling with, brother... I'm still trying to figure out how dreams/passions that might stretch beyond this little church environment and fully investing in that same community can be ballanced... lately it's been wrestling with the community in Beverly that I want to invest in more and more fully and pursuing a carreer in music that could leave me very little to invest in the community I truly care about...
No easy answers, but important stuff to be exploring...
"that's rockin' baby... *cough*"
thanks guys.
i so appreciate the friendships (both old and new). it's a great frustration to have. and i am glad i can share it.
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