alone, anxious and exhausted

it's well after midnight. and i am sitting in my empty apartment. it is my last night as a resident in a city that i have called home for most of my life. a city that i have cursed out loud, yet truth be told, will miss greatly. a city where i learned so much from people i love and admire. where the bar-b-que is real and the sports teams suck. a city with a lot of freakin' fountains.

as i bid farewell to kansas city, i look back with fondness. my parents sold the only house i ever knew as theirs last spring. now, it houses only it's second family in 30 years. that neighborhood is gone to me. as are the surrounding ones where friends lived and we played and shared life together until it was time to move away. and move away we did. some of us returned. some didn't. those that stayed, found themselves starting new lives with spouses. families. dogs. new homes were purchased. lawns were mowed. i am happy for them. they know that i want to remain a part of this phase of their lives. i just can't do it here.

this place is so strange now. grown-up.

there is, of course, nothing wrong with growing up. but, we all grow up in different ways. and there comes a time when it is so obvious. so clear that it is time to move on. that time has come.

so, with a 1/3 of my worldly possessions crammed into my car outside; and with bittersweet giddiness, i head east. to a new chapter. to search for my new home.