this blog has a fever
and the only prescription...is more cowbell.
tonight, the beckster and i laughed and cajoled our way through "cowbell night" at one of south texas's longest standing traditions.
ice hockey.
the rio grande valley killer bees are in the powerful central hockey league. and the fabulous thing about mid-level professional hockey is that there are usually more fights than goals. that's what puts the butts in the seats.
well, the fights were all well and good, but it was another aspect of mid-level pro hockey that made this a night to remember: sponsorship mania.
now, i would expect a certain amount of named sponsors to appear on any given night (ie. the "VALLEY YAMAHA FAN OF THE GAME") but the shear volume and thoroughness of sponsorships in this instance is staggering. they literally left NO aspect of the game without a sponsor. to prove this, we have concocted the following mocked-up play-by-play for you to enjoy:
"it's a BUFFALO WILD WINGS RIO GRANDE VALLEY KILLER BEES PENALTY on #16, mark o'leary. 2 minutes for slashing. that means your killer bees are on the INNOVATIVE BLOCK PENALTY KIIIIILL. the puck is up the ice and that's a RIO HOME CARE.....ICING! and play resumes, and the killer bees pass and, uh-oh, it's a MCALLEN NORTH IMAGING OFFSIDES call. and it looks like we have a player down on the ice. that means it's time for a RIO GRANDE REGIONAL HOSPITAL PLAYER INJURY. the BUDWISER POWER PLAY comes to an end and the rio grande valley killer bees are back to FULL SWARRRM! the puck is hit over the glass. that's a CORRS REALTY PUCK OUT OF PLAY. here's one final shot as time expires at the SUPERIOR ALARMS END OF PERIOD BUZZER." *
not to mention the between period antics of SIR-STINGS-A-LOT and the world's most enthusiastic p.a. announcer. let's just put it this way, the simple act of throwing out t-shirts becomes "Who! Needs! A TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!?!?" (proof.)
bless the killer bees' little hearts, they tried tonight, but still fell 6-2 to their bitter rivals, the laredo bucks. personally, i think it was the 3 goals they gave up in less than a minute in the first period that did them in....but i don't know that much about hockey.
basically, all this means is if you are in the valley of south texas and need some simple, cheap and wonderful entertainment...check out the bees.
* i swear absolutely NONE of these are made up. every one was written down and recorded verbatim. no joke.
tonight, the beckster and i laughed and cajoled our way through "cowbell night" at one of south texas's longest standing traditions.
ice hockey.
the rio grande valley killer bees are in the powerful central hockey league. and the fabulous thing about mid-level professional hockey is that there are usually more fights than goals. that's what puts the butts in the seats.
well, the fights were all well and good, but it was another aspect of mid-level pro hockey that made this a night to remember: sponsorship mania.
now, i would expect a certain amount of named sponsors to appear on any given night (ie. the "VALLEY YAMAHA FAN OF THE GAME") but the shear volume and thoroughness of sponsorships in this instance is staggering. they literally left NO aspect of the game without a sponsor. to prove this, we have concocted the following mocked-up play-by-play for you to enjoy:
"it's a BUFFALO WILD WINGS RIO GRANDE VALLEY KILLER BEES PENALTY on #16, mark o'leary. 2 minutes for slashing. that means your killer bees are on the INNOVATIVE BLOCK PENALTY KIIIIILL. the puck is up the ice and that's a RIO HOME CARE.....ICING! and play resumes, and the killer bees pass and, uh-oh, it's a MCALLEN NORTH IMAGING OFFSIDES call. and it looks like we have a player down on the ice. that means it's time for a RIO GRANDE REGIONAL HOSPITAL PLAYER INJURY. the BUDWISER POWER PLAY comes to an end and the rio grande valley killer bees are back to FULL SWARRRM! the puck is hit over the glass. that's a CORRS REALTY PUCK OUT OF PLAY. here's one final shot as time expires at the SUPERIOR ALARMS END OF PERIOD BUZZER." *
not to mention the between period antics of SIR-STINGS-A-LOT and the world's most enthusiastic p.a. announcer. let's just put it this way, the simple act of throwing out t-shirts becomes "Who! Needs! A TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!?!?" (proof.)
bless the killer bees' little hearts, they tried tonight, but still fell 6-2 to their bitter rivals, the laredo bucks. personally, i think it was the 3 goals they gave up in less than a minute in the first period that did them in....but i don't know that much about hockey.
basically, all this means is if you are in the valley of south texas and need some simple, cheap and wonderful entertainment...check out the bees.
* i swear absolutely NONE of these are made up. every one was written down and recorded verbatim. no joke.
posted by cade at 10:10 PM
6 Comments:
ah, becky's fighting face. we haven't seen that look in a while:)
you two are so cute together ... i could puke.
You all missed the shirtless Mexican race during one of the intermissions. Nothing says entertainment like grown men running on ice to find a frozen shirts, putting them awkwardly on and then racing back across the ice to shoot the most pucks into the goal. Now that's entertainment.
Sounds like the team Abilene had for 2 years.
My wife didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was wondering how you'd feel about word-fetti.
Or, as Art dubbed it, "propofetti" or "confettiganda." Take your pick.
word-fetti is probably the dumbest thing i have seen in recent memory. and those who know me, know that that MUST be pretty dumb.
the thing that kills me about it is that they had to have spent a bundle of money on printing the word "peace" or whatever on 3 and a half TONS of a small pieces of paper that were just gonna end up urine-soaked in a new jersey landfill.
why not take that money and donate it to some charity that actually promotes "peace"?
nice use of resources there guys.
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